Neighborhood Watch:

Our neighbor’s old dog had a thing about contrails. She kept an eye on the sky whenever she was outside. If she saw one, she’d rip around and bark like a dog possessed until the trail moved on or turned away. The poor old girl passed away last year and we worried about our vapor protection. I tried to teach the cat, old Midnight Bob, to be our contrail controller, but “Meeow” just doesn't seem to get it done. So, I've taken up the mantel of neighborhood protector. Now every time I see a streak of white in the sky, I’m out there yelling and barking. I've noticed that there seems to be more sheriffs’ cars driving by and giving us extra attention. Don’t understand what that’s all about, but we’re once again safe from contrails.

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – and now… Ace High

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

A little Beemer bashing if you please:

            While driving through town the other day, I watched a new black BMW convertible approach from a side street. It was a beauty. It had to be upwards of $50,000 minimum. The lady behind the wheel approached the stop sign and ignored it, which caused me to use my horn because I try to save my breaks for emergencies. She must have thought that a friend had honked because she waved in three directions. I finally had to resort to my breaks – she never even knew I was there. After thinking it over it dawned on me that she must have thought her car was so expensive that it would be immune to traffic mishaps. If she keeps driving like that, I’m afraid she will be greatly disappointed in her immunization. 

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – and now… Ace High

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Dumb things you shouldn't do in a car:

            When I was young, foolish, and commuting to a nearby Jr. College, I carpooled with several other guys. There was Tom, Tony, Charlie, myself, and 2 others of doubtful intellect and dubious reputations. Being serious and hardworking students we rarely horsed around, but this particular day we were in high spirits. The game was to squash someone as we went around a corner. I was in the front middle, and it seemed that no matter which direction the corner went I was the one getting squashed from both sides. Tom was driving and Tony was at shotgun. On one of the last curves I decided to scare Tony by acting like I was grabbing the door handle – I really grabbed it. The last thing I saw, before I saw the pavement, was Tony swing out holding on to the door. They said I just disappeared and then reappeared outside making a perfect 3-point landing on 2 elbows and a chin. Tom gave me 9.65 for style, Charlie gave me a 9.5 for degree of difficulty, and Tony gave me hell for being a numbskull. 

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – and now… Ace High

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Speaking of Art:

            My first art job was with the Air Force as an illustrator. My boss had a unique way of cutting me off at the knees when I would get too pleased with my own work. He’d hold it out at arm’s length and consider it with a great deal of thoughtfulness, and then he’d turn it over to see if there was anything on the back. Without a word or an expression, he’d slide it across the desk, where I’d pick it up and return to my drawing board. This would go on at least 3 times, before he’d pick it up and say “Good job” even though I hadn’t changed a thing.

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – and now… Ace High

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Another Pretzel Story:

When I was among the actively employed, (Pre Retirement) I almost always had a small bowl of pretzels on my desk. They were just a little something to nibble on or drop on the floor. One time I didn’t feel well. I had the notion that I was coming down with a doozy of a cold. It was beginning to have all the bells and whistles, such as sneezes, sore throat and the sinus thing.

One of my coworkers, who didn't seem to have a job there, but he moved from office to office and desk to desk with the general purpose of disturbing others came through my door and sat down. After a few minutes of gossip, he reached into the bowl of pretzels and took a handful of pretzels. I started to warn him, but changed my mind. If I’d said anything, he’d have put them back, and I’d have had throw the whole bowl away. So I let him enjoy himself.... He missed about 3 days of non-work, but nobody seemed to notice.  

My old daddy always told me, “If a fella is determined to be stupid… Let him.” 

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – and now… Ace High

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

The Family:

About a hundred years ago, a well known American artist, Grant Wood, painted a picture that looked something like this. He called his rendition, “American Gothic” because of the gothic style window in the background.  Mine doesn’t exactly have a gothic style window in it, so I titled it “American Outhouse”.

The couple you see here are my Uncle Ed and his lovely wife Edna. They are likely the most mismatched couple on earth. She is certain that the road to Heaven runs through her approval, and Uncle Ed is taking an alternate route.

Uncle Ed: Edner, what should I do if one of them tornados comes a swoopin down at me?

Aunt Edna: Run out there with a stick and chase it off. 

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – and now… Ace High

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Semi-Scientific Research:

Exhaustive experiments have shown me that a mini-pretzel of the twisted type when dropped from a height of 3’6’ to a concrete floor will break into 4 unequal pieces 7 out of 10 times. It has taken me at least 3 years, nearly 100,000 pretzels, and several sheets of paper, but I can say with a great deal of certainty that it is a fact. I can also say with a great deal of certainty that the process of falling and breaking doesn’t improve the flavor of the pretzel.

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – and now… Ace High

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Color Me Confused:

Now, I like green as a color, but as a movement it sometimes sucks. This rush toward the use of Ethanol   as an oil substitute has me baffled as to its wisdom. The cost of producing Ethanol is a wash when you consider that it takes almost as much fossil fuel to produce it as what we get out of it. Brazil gets 8 times as much E85 from sugarcane as we get from corn. Why don’t we make Hawaii, Louisiana, and Florida our fuel producing states? If we included Puerto Rico, Guam, and American Samoa we could all drive Hummers. Wouldn’t it be a better solution to learn to like Nutra Sweet than pay $40 for a can of corn?

My latest book, ACE HIGH is now available from Amazon Kindle  for Kindle and other devices.

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Cleansing the Mind:

Between writing, blogging, painting, volunteer work, and other civic duties, my mind sometimes becomes overwhelmed. I've tried meditation and medication, but the most effective method of mental refreshment is to take a nice walk in the woods. I’ll go out among the trees, rocks and weeds to a nice sheltered spot and symbolically set my mind on a rock or a stump. Then I’ll wander around for a while totally unencumbered by thoughts of any kind. It works wonders. The only drawback is that if you wander too far in a mindless state, you might get lost and forget where you put your mind. Trust me, losing one’s mind in the forest primeval can be a scary thing… Oh, and you do want to sort of keep the knowledge of what poison ivy looks like while you’re wandering. 

Check out my latest book from Amazon Kindle, available for Kindle iPad, PC, and other reading devices.

Books by Lou Bradshaw

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – and now… Ace High

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Blondes:

I had a blonde coworker once who fit the mold of the classic blonde. Oh she never put White Out on her computer screen, but she could never figure things out. You could have twenty people in a room and nineteen would understand whatever was being discussed. They may not all agree, but they understood. The blonde, however, would spend precious time picking away at the simplest concept with no idea how it worked. She finally got fed up with all the Blonde Jokes, and one day she came in as a brunette. I can only assume that she was a natural blonde because with hair as dark as a raven’s wing… she was still as dumb as a box of rocks.

At last I can say my newest book “ACE HIGH” is out. It’s another western in the Ben Blue series, in which I bring in a new character as narrator. This is my fourth book on Kindle, and I’ve got at least three more in the works. This stuff is fun… 

Cartoon Characters:

My favorite by far is Wylie Coyote. He is the most persistent, inventive, undauntable, and resilient critter under the Arizona sun. No matter how many times he is blown up, run over, dropped thousands of feet from a cliff, smashed, crashed, or ground into a pulp he never gives up, and for what purpose? Just for the chance at a meal of scrawny, tough, and surely tasteless little desert chicken. I never said he was smart – just relentless?

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – and soon to come Ace High

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

ACE HIGH, the latest in the Blue series will be available on Amazon Kindle and other devices  this weekend. $0.99 a bargain.

Sleeping:

There’s an old adage that says, “A clear conscience makes the softest pillow.” I've found it to be true because I've been sleeping on a pillow made of rocks since the third grade. But of late, I've been sleeping like a baby. It seems that a failing memory is the perfect thing for conscience cleansing. I may not remember what my wife told me 20 minutes ago, but I’ll get a great night’s sleep.

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – and soon to come Ace High

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Wasted Effort:

The other morning it was about 20 degrees outside, which was a good deal better than it had been all week. I heard a young Chickadee singing a song to his sweetie pie. He was telling her that he’d build her a big fancy nest with a butler and a maid. The boy was intent and sure that spring had sprung. The object of his affections was a bit more practical because she replied, “Are you out of your freaking mind? It’s freezing out here, and I’m not getting undressed until it’s at least 60 degrees.”  

Oh, these were Black Cap Chickadees; I can’t understand Carolina Chickadees with their strong accent.

What I do when I’m not blogging or working on a book

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – and soon to come Ace High

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

More Pebble Beach:

Our foursome was made up of my wife and I, a preacher from Texas, and his lawyer son. That preacher was so excited that he was running around like a kid in a candy factory. Of course, we all lost balls, but that was to be expected, and we’d only make a courtesy search out of respect for what the ball had sacrificed. I sliced one far to the right and knew it was a goner. But the preacher went charging past me to look for it. I grabbed him in mid-stride and pulled him back. “Preacher,” I said, “if you take two more steps, you will be called back to the home office.” It took him a second or two to get my meaning, and then he looked past that little fringe of brush to see a hundred or so foot drop.

It wasn't that I wanted to be a hero, but that lawyer son of his would have surely found a way to make me responsible, since I hadn't made him sign a waiver and the golf course had.

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – and soon to come Ace High

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Pebble Beach:

A few years ago, my wife and I got the chance to play Pebble Beach. It was everything I expected it to be but a whole lot harder, and that was just getting the tee time. The course itself is a total monster… a beautiful monster, yet a monster. It kicked my butt, and then it laughed at me. The greens were like seamless green marble floors. And out of bounds was the beach 80 feet below.

On the fifteenth, I had a chance to make a par. It was the only time I even came close, so I promised myself that if I made that 3 foot putt, I’d get myself a trophy that said “I Pared 15 at Pebble Beach” Well I missed it, but I got myself a trophy that said “I Bogied 15 at Pebble Beach”.  Hey, I’m easy to please.

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – and soon to come Ace High

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Things I Believed to be True… at Age 6

Girls were just bossy boys that smelled better… Detroit must be somewhere close to Heaven… Wrestling was real… Good guys wore white hats and never lost a fight… Prince Valliant was fine art… If you didn’t stick your tongue in a missing tooth space, you’d get a gold tooth… If you pedaled your bike fast enough you could fly… The radio would always be the ultimate form of entertainment… Queens and Movie stars never had to go to the bathroom.

I’m still working on that flying bike thing.

What I do when I’m not blogging or working on a book

Something Softer  11 X 14 Acrylic on board.

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – and soon to come Ace High

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Where There’s a Will There’s a Word:

While doing some freelance art for an ad agency, I went out with the account executive to make a presentation. She was a young woman with a lot going for her, but she lacked conversation skills and often used the wrong words. As I was showing off our plan, she was admiring some of the art on the walls. One piece was a high rise construction photo, and she couldn’t take her eyes off it. When I finished she said, “Oh Mr. Smith, I just love your…(struggling for the right word)… erection.”

He looked at me, I looked at him, and we both looked at her looking at the photo. I began to doubt her capability for the type of job she had. We did land the account, so maybe she was more capable than I thought.

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – and soon to come Ace High

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Hopes and Wishes:

Hope is like a wimpy wish, and a wish isn’t worth a plugged nickel unless you do something about it. You can hope and wish until your hair falls out, but your odds are still a zillion to one of making your wish come true… It’s like that pony you wanted for your 8th birthday. Unless your folks knew you wanted a pony for your birthday, you were going to get socks and underwear. Ergo you must do something about it, like telling them you want a pony. And if you didn't do a little extra begging, pleading, crying, and whining, I’ll bet you still don’t have that pony.

These cartoons are some I recently ran across. They have never been published or even submitted, and most of them are probably over 35 years old.... hope you enjoy.

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – and soon to come Ace High

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Physical Fitness and Health:

 I thought that I might be getting a little out of shape… A fella needs to look and feel his best, not only for himself, but for those who have to look and deal with him. Actually, it wasn’t so much that I was out of shape per se as it was that I have always been a physical wreck. Even with the knowing that I was facing tremendous odds trying to turn scarecrow into a buff scarecrow, I felt I should at least give it a try. So I did some reading and watched some old Jack laLaine videos and felt I was ready to take the plunge. I worked myself into a state of full-blown fitness obsession, and then I did a push up…. Exercise is highly overrated! That kind of stuff could kill a person.

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – and soon to come Ace High

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Where’s that stuff come from?

            I was rummaging around in my sock drawer and found 3 identical socks. There wasn’t a fourth sock anywhere in that drawer. I couldn’t remember ever wearing those socks, neither all nor any of them. For all I knew they weren’t even mine, but they were in there with my other socks. I just had to sit down and contemplate what this all meant. After a long spell of contemplating, I finally came to the conclusion that someone had been using my sock drawer as his own. I could deal with that okay, but I was a bit troubled trying to imagine how and where that third foot was connected.

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – and soon to come Ace High

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts