Sometimes you just gotta take it:

          Many years ago, my son, Chris, had a horse, Red the Possessed Mustang. Chris could ride him, but Red thoroughly refused to let me in the saddle, which was fine because he’d already broken one of my arms and I didn’t want to give him a shot at the other. As was my habit, every morning before work I’d go out, feed the evil beast, and break up the ice in his water. Then I’d go back to the house cussing and plotting my revenge. One day, I was running late, so I cussed and plotted my revenge on the way to work. When I got there, I realized that I hadn’t changed my shoes, and you can guess what was on them. It wasn’t very long until I had quite a mess under my desk and had to call housekeeping to send someone with a vacuum sweeper.

          I had to stand outside my office and listen to that woman mumble, grumble, and utter any number of unfinished expletives. When she had finished, she gave me a brush and made me clean my shoes in a trashcan. That was just one more thing to add to my revenge list.

“Life is much too important to be taken seriously.”

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – Rubio –  Cain…just Cain…. and now available…Spirit Valley

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Or at Amazon Author Central www.amazon.com/author/loubradshaw

Don’t call me; I’ll call you:

          I got a call from a telemarketer last week, wanting me to bundle all my services with his cable company. We’re registered with No Call, but since we use one of his services, he’s allowed to call and annoy us. First, he asked me how I was, and told me his name was Kevin. I told him nicely that our internet is with the phone company and will stay there because the phone doesn’t go out. It hasn’t gone out in over 36 years, whereas the cable goes out every few months. He said, “Sir, our cable never goes out.” I used an expletive,(something about bull droppings) and he kept on talking and repeating that his cable never has gone out. I said, “Kevin, didn’t you hear me just say @**&!!?” He said he heard me the first time, and that I should watch my language. I said, “Kevin, there are seven words that you can’t say on television, but none that you can’t say on the telephone. This is my phone and my language. If you don’t like it then you can get off.”

          I’ve got to give old Kevin credit. He was still selling when I turned off the phone.

Definition:

          Rough Rider – Commando on a Kawasaki.

“Life is much too important to be taken seriously.”

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – Rubio –  Cain…just Cain…. and now available…Spirit Valley

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Or at Amazon Author Central www.amazon.com/author/loubradshaw

So, I get a little confused:

          I was getting ready to go play golf and was taking my hat out to the truck, when Avon asked me to put a birthday card in the mailbox and raise the flag. Sure, that was easy enough, but an hour later, I was trying to keep the sun out of my eyes with that card. Two days after that, the hat was returned for insufficient postage.

A quote after my own heart:

          “I never intend to do any great amount of labor. I have but one short life and do not aspire to wealth nor fame in a degree which could only be obtained by extraordinary effort on my part.”

Western artist, Frederic Remington

“Life is much too important to be taken seriously.”

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – Rubio –  Cain…just Cain…. and now available…Spirit Valley

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Or at Amazon Author Central www.amazon.com/author/loubradshaw

Marriage:

          After 50 years of married bliss, life holds few surprises. Marriage is the only situation I know of where a person will take on an obvious flawed and unfixable item and spend the rest of their life trying to fix it. For instance, after 50 years of saying, “Wipe your feet.” and having to say it over and over again should tell a person that it wasn’t working. Feet wiping cannot be imbedded into a Y chromosome, let alone any reference to a toilet lid. Avon has spent the better part of her life trying to get me see her point of view, or simply start thinking her way. It’s come to the point that my major contribution to this partnership is the ability to open pickle jars. When I can no longer do that for her, then maybe I’ll have to change my way of thinking. Hopefully, some inventor will come up with an easy open pickle jar before that happens.

“Life is much too important to be taken seriously.”

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – Rubio –  Cain…just Cain…. and now available…Spirit Valley

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Or at Amazon Author Central www.amazon.com/author/loubradshaw

Grocery store surprise:

          Last November, when Avon got home from a last minute stop at the grocery store just before Thanksgiving, she found 2 cans of pumpkin filling among her other items. She hadn’t put them in the cart and had no idea how they got there. The only thing we could figure was that someone had put them in her cart by mistake. It wasn’t worth going back to the store to return them, so they went into the pantry. Since she didn’t bake pies, she fretted around about those cans until I told her she could use them to make other dishes. I suggested things like pumpkin pudding, pumpkin lasagna, pumpkin cacciatore, and when I got to pumpkin on a shingle one of the cans came flying in my direction. 

“Life is much too important to be taken seriously.”

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – Rubio –  Cain…just Cain…. and now available…Spirit Valley

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Or at Amazon Author Central www.amazon.com/author/loubradshaw

Ladies, Let the Fun Begin… without me.

            Today is Bunko day. Bunko is a game played, with 12 women, Dice, and Food. I don’t know the rules or the point. All I know is I am not allowed anywhere within 20 miles of the house when it’s going on. If I should happen to come home a bit early, I have to park in the neighbor’s yard because mine is full. They all seem to have a good time and there are prizes, but I think it’s mostly about food and gossip… I really don’t mind hiding out for 3 or 4 hours, I just wish they’d save a few chips and dips.

“Life is much too important to be taken seriously.”

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – Rubio –  Cain…just Cain…. and now available…Spirit Valley

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Or at Amazon Author Central www.amazon.com/author/loubradshaw

A Culture Long Past:

            When I was in grade school about from the 2^nd grade for the 3^rd time (a long story for another time) until the first half of the 7^th grade we lived in St. Louis. We had moved about quite a bit and there were many addresses that I never had time to memorize. It wasn’t an especially rough neighborhood; it was sort of a ragged edge between good and evil. When I was in the 5^th grade the Gypsies began to move in along one of the main streets a few blocks away. They were both scary and fascinating for a 10-year-old kid. They came aboard old rattletrap stake trucks, pick-ups, and old converted busses; all painted with the gaudiest trim imaginable.

            Soon about a 6 block stretch of Easton Avenue was filled with Gypsy shops and stores on both sides of the street. Lord, what a sense of color they had. Everything was painted or decked in the brightest purples, pinks, yellows, fucias, magentas, and scarlets. I didn’t know the names of those colors back then but I loved them. I would ride my bike through that section and just be consumed with the colors. The kids never showed up in our school, but there were plenty of them. They ignored any overtures of friendship by just shaking their heads and saying, “Go.” There never seemed to be any trouble and you could see locals going in and out of their shops, even though everyone said they were thieves and worse. They openly flaunted the law by having live goats and chickens in their homes and shops, but the cops just ignored them.

            I never knew where they came from or where they went, but after about a year they were gone as quickly as they had come. Those were the last Gypsies I have seen, and I’m sorry I didn’t look a little closer. 

“Life is much too important to be taken seriously.”

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – Rubio –  Cain…just Cain…. and now available…Spirit Valley

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Or at Amazon Author Central www.amazon.com/author/loubradshaw

I Can’t Seem to get it Right:

            After years of fussing about my inability to gain weight Avon finally started me on beer and ice cream supplement therapy, which I didn’t object to in the least. I leveled off and even started gaining a little, then last summer while cleaning the pool I was shirtless, and she commented that I had indeed started to gain. But while giving me an attaboy she got herself caught between saying tummy and belly and it came out tubby. So I had gone from being skeletal to tubby without ever going through thin, medium, or fleshy. It was like not passing GO and not collecting $200.

“Life is much too important to be taken seriously.”

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – Rubio –  Cain…just Cain…. and now available…Spirit Valley

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Or at Amazon Author Central www.amazon.com/author/loubradshaw

The stork club:

          While playing golf yesterday morning, I took a look at my fellow players and then at myself. I started laughing in the middle of a putt. There we were, 4 old men being supported by 8 bony legs. For a moment, I held the vision of a bunch of gangly storks stomping around in an open field. I missed the putt

Easter Egg Hunts:

          When the grandkids were little, we hid somewhere close to a bazillion plastic eggs filled with candy over three acres. So far so good right? The problem is that two little boys couldn’t possibly find all those eggs, and I couldn’t possibly remember where I put them, so that meant I’d be finding and eating melted and re-melted chocolate all summer.

“Life is much too important to be taken seriously.”

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – Rubio –  Cain…just Cain…. and now available…Spirit Valley

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Or at Amazon Author Central www.amazon.com/author/loubradshaw

And Yet Another True Story:

            Many years ago I went on a road trip with Pottsy (a sometimes friend); our destination was Cleveland, OH. Pottsy had a girlfriend in school there with whom he wanted to break up, but didn’t think the mail or the phone was the proper way. We took my car because he didn’t have one, so he paid the expenses. My tires were so thin you see the air insde them, but we went anyway. The highpoint of the trip was hitting Indianapolis at rush hour. At that time there were no interstate highways or bypasses, so we went right through the middle of it. At one intersection a bank had a new electronic sign, which flashed the time and temperature – a very new thing in the early 60s, and we had never seen one. I was so mesmerized by the sign that on the second time it changed I took off across 6 lanes of traffic. There was about a 20 second white-knuckle experience filled with screeching breaks, blaring horns, swerving, yelling, and down home cussing (most of it mine), but we got through safely. The ever unflappable Pottsy simply said, “Time, temperature, and go.”

When we got to Lake Eerie College we found that Pottsy’s soon to be ex-girlfriend was already his ex-girlfriend. She had just sent him a letter calling him a low life weasel rat and a scum sucking worm. She also said she never wanted to see him again and true to her word she wouldn’t, so we turned around and headed home. He drove through Indianapolis.

“Life is much too important to be taken seriously.”

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – Rubio –  Cain…just Cain…. and now available…Spirit Valley

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Or at Amazon Author Central www.amazon.com/author/loubradshaw

Old Black Rotary Phones:

            About 15 years ago a young pizza delivery kid knocked on my door and said he had broken down and could I let him use the phone. “Sure, no problem.” I said and showed him the phone; it was an old black rotary He picked up the receiver and stared at the dial, then he made a couple of stabs at it, but didn’t make contact. He then said, ” Mister, could you do it for me? I’ve never seen one of these before.” I went to Radio Shack the next morning and got updated.

“Life is much too important to be taken seriously.”

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – Rubio –  Cain…just Cain…. and now available…Spirit Valley

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Or at Amazon Author Central www.amazon.com/author/loubradshaw

Avon’s Spice Rack:

            Avon has a very nice spice rack. It is built into one of her cabinets. You open the door and there is an array of dozens of spices and herbs, then you swing out the rack and on the other side is another array of spices and herbs. At the back of the cabinet is another rack, so all in all you see a lot of jars and bottles. The problem is that I am a dyed in the wool creature of habit; if something isn’t where I expect it to be then I’m fuddled. I like a little cinnamon on my oatmeal and at 5:00 a.m. I’m in no mood for a search, so if it is in the right place and looks right I use it. If you’ve never had chili powder on oatmeal for breakfast – don’t!

“Life is much too important to be taken seriously.”

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – Rubio –  Cain…just Cain…. and now available…Spirit Valley

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Or at Amazon Author Central www.amazon.com/author/loubradshaw

Another Did you know:

          According to many respected scientists (I’ve read this in 2 books), there is no blue pigment in the animal world. Blue birds, blue jays, and others have feathers colored by light color. Blue eyes, blue butterflies, blue dragonflies, and a blue blue mood are all a trick of light. Try looking at a blue jay feather in total darkness – you can’t see the blue. Now don’t you feel a lot better knowing that? Of course, there is the question of blue hair, but I don’t think that is a natural thing.

“Life is much too important to be taken seriously.”

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – Rubio –  Cain…just Cain…. and now available…Spirit Valley

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Or at Amazon Author Central www.amazon.com/author/loubradshaw

Bumblebees are the craziest people:

          We have 3 bushes, which when flowering attract Bumblebees by the hundreds. I don’t know the name of the bushes so I just call them George Bush, George W. Bush, and Anheuser Bush. When those fat sluggish bad boys converge on the shrubs, I noticed that one stays separated from the rest. He hovers about the perimeter and attacks any flying intruder. I’ve seen him chase off butterflies, June bugs, birds, and even bumblebees, presumably from another tribe. I’ve found that if I toss a small piece of anything in his direction he will chase it – hours of fun. But, after tossing I always try to look really innocent – it wouldn’t do to get him miffed.

50 years ago today, this sweet young thing took on the greatest challenge of her life.... Me!

She seems to have answered the challenge well.

Blocking:

          Many of my more athletic friends know how to block a basketball, block a running back, or block the plate. Some of my techy friends know how to block, spam, pop-ups, and emails from the boss. Any married man knows how to block voices in the feminine range, but do any of you know how to block a fedora? How many of you know what a fedora is? Besides me, who has ever owned one?

Some Possible Animal Meat:

          In the above segment, I mentioned spam, which started me thinking of Spam. I loved that stuff! After hot dogs, it was my favorite thing to eat as a youngster. I even liked that jell it was packed in – I didn’t know you weren’t supposed to eat that stuff. I have no idea what was in it, and I doubt that I would be allowed to eat it now, but I sure loved it – back then.

******

Spirit Valley, #7 in the Ben Blue series went live overnight on Amazon Kindle. It is available for most tablets and pads as well as PC and Macs. This is my 10th book overall and marks a milestone in my late life endeavor. I had hoped to have it released next week, but everything seemed to fall into place early.

As for all my books, it's still at a whopping $0.99.

Enjoy.

“Life is much too important to be taken seriously.”

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – Rubio –  Cain…just Cain…. and now available…Spirit Valley

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Or at Amazon Author Central www.amazon.com/author/loubradshaw

Only in the Ozarks:

          Driving past a construction site yesterday, I saw a sign that made me scratch my head. It read, “Clean Fill Dirt Wanted”. Now, dirt by its very nature is not clean, it’s dirty. How would you get dirt clean – wash it? That would only give you mud, which would be wet dirt. Personally, I think that contractor may as well ask for some green cheese from the moon. He’d have about as much chance getting that, as he would clean dirt.

“Life is much too important to be taken seriously.”

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – Rubio –  Cain…just Cain…. and coming soon…Spirit Valley

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Or at Amazon Author Central www.amazon.com/author/loubradshaw

Did you know?

          Did you know that back in 2009 the one-millionth word was added to the English language? It was of the Techno-Gibberish variety, which meant absolutely nothing to me. I would have estimated that there were about one hundred thousand, which would be more than enough. I guess it doesn’t really matter to me because I only know a couple of hundred and can correctly spell only a few of those.

A house of straw:  

          I have mentioned the folks across the road before, Napoleon and Josephine Biggs ( of the $3000 playhouse debacle). I’m mentioning them again. Napoleon mowed the other day and left so much dead grass that the girls piled it up and made a fort with it. They still haven’t used that high dollar playhouse.

“Life is much too important to be taken seriously.”

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – Rubio –  Cain…just Cain…. and coming soon…Spirit Valley

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Or at Amazon Author Central www.amazon.com/author/loubradshaw

Timing is everything:

          Back in 1973, Avon bought a new Buick Century. It had everything imaginable except an EPA mileage estimate, (that started in about ’75) it turned out to be about 12 mpg by actual calculations. That was the year that the Arab oil embargo hit. Gas prices skyrocketed from $0.35 to $0.75 a gallon. What really hurt was that we traded a VW Karman Ghia in on the Buick, the Ghia got a peak of 40 mpg and never less than 33 mpg. The one consolation was that the Buick could really get down the road. Unfortunately, a 55 mph national speed limit was invoked…. I have to admit though it looked good sitting in the driveway. Yep, those were the good old days.

Truths:

Miscellaneous: Will Rogers once said, “I never met a man I didn’t like.” I feel the same way, but there were some of those… &%**$#, I didn’t like for more than 15 seconds.                        

Lee Brickey

“Life is much too important to be taken seriously.”

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – Rubio –  Cain…just Cain…. and coming soon…Spirit Valley

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Or at Amazon Author Central www.amazon.com/author/loubradshaw