Happy Thanksgiving to all

I'll see you Monday

A question for the ages:

            I recently had occasion to fill in a low spot in my field. Since I have an abundance of large rocks on the place, I used them as filler. To make it all nice and level I had to break up those large rocks into small rocks. After pounding away with a sledge hammer for several days I found that it was best to get a firm base to place the large rock on – something like a larger rock. That wasn’t a problem since I had plenty of larger and even larger rocks. Somewhere in the middle of the process, I began to wonder if it was morally and ethically correct to use a rock to kill a rock. Isn’t that something like cannibalism?

Hardly a wine connoisseur:

            Avon brought home a wine that someone had recommended with the unlikely name of Cycle’s Gladiator. On the label, there was a flying young lady with long red hair trying to catch a flying bicycle. The woman wasn’t dressed like a gladiator; she wasn’t dressed like anything. She wasn’t dressed at all. I tried it and it was okay, but I don’t know anything about wine, so I had a Budweiser – something I knew about. After a few days the bottle grew near to empty, she again asked me if I wanted some. I thought for a few seconds and said, “No…but save me that label.”

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

And  available Now –  One Man Standing

A question for the ages:

            I recently had occasion to fill in a low spot in my field. Since I have an abundance of large rocks on the place, I used them as filler. To make it all nice and level I had to break up those large rocks into small rocks. After pounding away with a sledge hammer for several days I found that it was best to get a firm base to place the large rock on – something like a larger rock. That wasn’t a problem since I had plenty of larger and even larger rocks. Somewhere in the middle of the process, I began to wonder if it was morally and ethically correct to use a rock to kill a rock. Isn’t that something akin to cannibalism?

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

And  available Now –  One Man Standing

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Soul Food:

            Soul food does not necessarily have to pertain to any ethnic group; it can mean any food that enriches the soul or the spirit. An example, in my case would be something like bacon or chocolate. The other day, Avon told me of a recipe she’d seen on one the cooking shows that she wanted to try. I said, “Oh, and what would that be?” Her casual reply was, “Chocolate covered bacon.” I nearly went into some kind of seizure. I love both flavors…but to have them cozied up together on the same plate – well, that’s just wrong. It’s like hanging paintings by Rembrandt and Salvador Dali next to each other.

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

And  available Now –  One Man Standing

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Corporate terminology:

            Several years ago, I went to the local John Deere dealer to have some bearings put on my mower deck. It was no big deal; I have to do it a couple times during the 25 years I had the mower. What struck me funny was when I asked the parts guy about some other work I might need, he stood there with that leaping deer logo on his shirt and said, “Now that will cost you a few Bucks. Yep, that’ll add up to a little Doe.”

It’s all in the name:

            While traveling through Arizona, a few years back, I was amused by some of the names of towns along the way. I remember seeing the town of Two Gun, and then about a half an hour farther, up popped the town of the town of Double Arrow. I couldn’t help wondering just how that fight turned out.

Available now at Amazon.com

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

And  available Now –  One Man Standing

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Sibling rivalry:

            As an older brother, I was probably no worse than other older brothers of sisters. In fact, I did mine a huge favor without even trying, and she didn’t even know it at the time. Since she followed me through school, each teacher would subconsciously compare her to me. I can proudly say that I never once put undue pressure on her to attain a high grade point average. Actually, most of the teachers found her to be a refreshing change. 

Oh, I didn’t give her any free passes, you can be sure of that. We didn’t have a dog, so I would tell my teachers that my sister ate my homework. You can imagine their apprehension when they learned that the homework eater was coming to their class?

I'm happy to announce that "One Man Standing"

went live on Amazon Kindle yesterday afternoon.

It was not without a few false starts due to server outages.

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

And  now available  –  One Man Standing

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Role reversal:

            Last week I suggested to Avon that we try an experiment in switching roles. I told her that she could go out and mulch leaves, clean up the woodpile, split wood, burn brush, and cook dinner. And I would get a massage and a pedicure. Seeing someone laugh that hard is priceless.

What happens in Vegas…

            While in Las Vegas there was any number of things to amaze, intrigue, and befuddle me. Being a certified people watcher, I spent a good deal of my time just watching people. I watched the dealers, the tourists, the showgirls, the hustlers, and the showgirls some more. But the one thing that brought me to point of saying, “Are you out of your minds?” was the number of people who brought their children. People – people – people, I’m talking about Vegas (Sin City) adults shouldn’t even go there let alone children. Remember this simple formula Vegas is in Nevada – Disney Land is in California.

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

And  available 11-19-2014 –  One Man Standing

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Your shoe’s untied:

            Have you ever had a nagging little itch that doesn’t amount to much, but you can’t stop what you’re doing to scratch it? Sure you have. That’s the way I am when my shoe is untied; I feel like I have to stop what I’m doing immediately and tie it. Yesterday, it happened in Springfield traffic, and wouldn’t you know every light turned green as I approached it. When I finally got lucky enough to catch a red light (I can’t believe I said that), I lunged at that offending shoelace, gave it a yank…. and broke it.

Healthy living:

            A couple of years ago, my doctor, the eminent physician – Dr. Feelgood suggested that I take a baby aspirin every day. Dr. Feelgood is a cute little red haired thing with a southern drawl, and I try to do what I can to make her happy. So I started taking them. It was no big deal; they’re small, tasty, and cheap. It just dawned on me the other day that those things really work – I can’t remember the last time I had a baby headache.

Tomorrow!

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

And  available 19-11-2014 –  One Man Standing

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Don’t ask if you don’t want to know:

            At the auto parts store, I was waiting for the man behind the counter to get off the phone, so I could get a sparkplug for my mower. When he finally hung up, he apologized and assured me that he didn’t mean to ignore me. I told him that I was hard to ignore. I went on, “Why, even John F. Kennedy couldn’t ignore me.” “How’s that?” he absent-mindedly mumbled. Wrong answer! That meant he was going to hear the story, and so would everybody in the store.

            “Back in the fall of 1960,” I began, “I was going to a junior college in Belleville, Illinois. It just so happened that JFK was trying to win an election at the same time, and he was doing some politicking in Belleville. We were walking across campus to get to the parking lot. My good friend, Doug Eskra, was with me, and there was a fella I’ll call a fox terrier because he jumped around and yapped constantly. Just as we were coming off campus the Kennedy motorcade was coming up West Main – right in our path. Doug got all excited, mostly because he was a Democrat. The fox terrier was nonplussed, even though he was a Catholic; I suspected he was a Republican. At first I didn’t get too excited because it was going to make me late for work, and I knew I wasn’t a Catholic, but beyond that I wasn’t sure what I was or if I was… if anything.”

            “We were at a point where there were about a half a million people down the block to our left and another half a million people up the block to our right, but there wasn’t a soul within 50 yards of us in either direction. Doug was going crazy, and Rover was getting into it. I guess the church house over rode the White House. Actually I was getting a little excited myself, and by the time JFK and his knockout wife drew abreast of us I was jumpin’ and yellin’ like a regular Catholic Democrat. I was afraid I was gonna start looking for a fish fry and a union job. At the very moment his car came directly in front of us, he turned to us, waved, and said, ‘Hi-ya, fellas’. He wasn’t talking to the 500,000 people at either end of the block. He was talking to us!”

“So,” I told the auto parts guy, “if John Kennedy couldn’t ignore me – nobody can”. I paid him the $1.62 for the sparkplug, turned, and smiled my way past the six glaring people standing in line behind me. I left with the confidence that I had done my part to stimulate the economy once again.

It's Ready To Go!

The latest (# 6) of the Ben Blue Series

is ready and should be available on Nov. 19 or 20.

On Amazon Kindle and other e-readers.

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther - Cain 

And Soon – One Man Standing  

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

 How’s that, Lou?

            A few years ago, I treated myself to a pair of Bose headphones. I knew they were supposed to be great, but I had no idea what to expect. One of the first CDs I played was Mamas and Papas. All the way through I kept hearing things that I hadn’t ever heard before. One of which came during the tune “Midnight Voyage”, and when it came to a place where before it was just an interruption in the song while they got the pitch right. What I found in that interruption there was banter between the group and the producer, Lou Adler. They tried several false starts, and then they got it – BAM…absolutely perfect 4-part harmony. When the line ended, I could hear Cass Elliot say, “Ya like that, Lou?” Of course, I figured she was asking me what I thought and I yelled out, “Yessssss!” Avon thought I had lost what was left of my mind.       

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther

And now available –  Cain

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Now that the election over, the mud has all been slung, the lies have all been told, and the fingers have all been pointed, we can all get back to loving our neighbors.... LB

Cute little things that they are:

            A lot of people have a fascination with frogs of one type or another. Many of those frog fans are enamored with the little tree frogs. I have to admit they do have their charms. But living out here in the jungle so to speak we have many many trees, which means many many tree frogs. They will often turn up in the least expected places, such as on a patio door, where they wait for unsuspecting light seeking bugs. However attractive those critters are from the top is no comparison to how unattractive they are from the underside.

Traveling light:

After years of traveling, we have learned that there are always going to be times when you realize that there is something you should have brought but didn’t. Somewhere in the middle years we tried to accommodate that by taking everything we owned. This seemed to be a good plan until we tried getting all that stuff into any sized vehicle smaller than a semi. As we grew older, we grew wiser. Now we take our necessary golf gear and anything else that fits in the trunk. Oh, and of course a bag of quarters for coin laundries.  

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

Coming soon..... One Man Standing

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther

And now available –  Cain   

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Twenty two and trying to grow:

            There are 22 states in the union, whose names end with the letter “A”. I may have missed one or two, but it’s close enough. There are 3 states that end with the letter “I”. That would be Hawaii, Mississippi, and of course Missouri. The problem is a number of counties in central Missouri insist on pronouncing it as if it ended with an “A”. They call it Missoura. I’ve never heard anyone say Hawai-a, or Mississipp-a, so why does this apparently misinformed cluster of counties insist on having 23 states that end with the letter “A”? I won’t even go into the silent “Ss” at the end of Illinois and Arkansas.

Notable quotes:

            Have you ever said something that was so profound you thought it should be engraved on a plaque somewhere? Of course, you have – we all have. Here’s your chance to get them noticed and I’ll give you the credit. Just send them to me and I’ll publish them. Here are a few from my brother in law, Ron Schaefer, PhD .

·        You will never regret getting a good education, but you will regret it if you don’t.

·        Nobody knows everything about anything.

·        Once burnt – once learnt.

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther

And now available –  Cain

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Messages from space:

            As some of you may not know, I’ve been receiving messages from a star system far far away from the Milky Way. The planet in question, is much like Earth in that it can sustain life. I’ve named it Outta, and my messages are coming from a being, whom I’ve tagged as Bob.

Bob, my intergalactic correspondent, recently asked me how I came to call his planet Outta, when it already had the name Gznrkgri. I told him for one thing, I couldn’t pronounce Gznrkgri and would never be able to spell it the same twice. I also told him that when I took my news to NASA in Houston, I was shown to a high mucky-muck, who sat and listened to my story and reviewed all my data printouts. He then pressed the intercom button and said, “Would you please send Peterson in?” Within seconds a big burly Air Force sergeant with an MP helmet stepped in.

The mucky-muck said, “Sergeant, get this loony OUTTA here!” I guess Mr. Mucky-Muck did the naming… not me.

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther

And now available –  Cain

The next book,"One Man Standing," is scheduled to be released at the end of November 2014

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

It’s driving me nuts:

            Have you ever had a song stuck in your head? It’ll make you go bonkers if it stays there all day; if it stays there for 2 days you’re ready for the men in white coats. How would you like it for 2 years? I’ve had “Alone Again (Naturally)”, a 1972 hit by Gilbert O’Sullivan as my constant companion for over 2 years. The only reason I mention this is that one of you will remember it and it will stick in your head and leave me alone again.

I’ve been wondering:

            Do elephants kiss? If they do, what do they do with their trunks? I’ve looked at it from any number of ways, but I just don’t see it happening. Give that some thought, and get back to me.

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther

And now available –  Cain

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Did you know?

            Did you know that lettuce was the only vegetable that is never processed in any way? It’s never frozen, fried, or fricasseed, nor is it steamed, stewed, or sauteed. It is what it is. And did you know that honey is the only food that will not spoil? It may turn into a lump of sugar, but it won’t spoil. Bees are pretty fussy about such things. 

Ice Cream, my second great love:

            It’s no secret that I love ice cream. My natural choice in flavors is chocolate, but if it comes with something else I figure the more the merrier. If I could get chocolate-strawberry-raspberry-fudge-3nut surprise-ripple I would. My philosophy is if they offer it I’ll take it. In fact if it came with mustard and catsup with fries on the side – I’d be there. 

            

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther

And now available –  Cain

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

I don’t feel so bad:

            A programmer friend of mine, who shall remain nameless under the threat of untold horrors that would be inflicted on my computer if I gave his name, relayed this story to me. It seems while he was putting a web page together using multiple screens and a wireless mouse he got so engrossed that he lost track of his mouse. He looked all over the work area, under, and behind. He finally got up and checked out the whole room, and then he went into the kitchen to ask his wife if she’d seen it. She, being the sweetheart that she is, went back to help him hunt. They walked in and she spotted it immediately on the desk – right where he had set it down to get up and look for it. Friends, this is a relatively young man; by the time he reaches my age he won’t even remember where he put the kitchen.  

 

I'm hoping to have the next book (still untitled) released about the time Uncle Ed and Bob are having their "B" Vitamins. Sometime near the end of November.

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther

And now available –  Cain

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Band Aid update:

            A few issues back I wrote about my necessity for having a large supply of band aids on hand. My sister took pity on me and sent me one of her incredible handmade “It Sucks to be You” cards. Inside she had hot glued dozens of band aids. Of course, having gotten a paper cut opening the envelope, I put one to immediate use. They were imprinted with big eyed bunnies, puppies, kittens, and fishies – all in the most outrageous colors. I liked them! In fact they are my new bandage of choice. I could be really hot stuff in any second grade class in the country. Yesterday, I noticed that the lovely Avon was sporting one on some imagined boo-boo.

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther

And now available –  Cain

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Why I don’t use the phone:

            When I recently called my son’s house, and my grandson answered the phone. I said hello and told him it was grandpa. He said, “I know, we have Caller Idea.” I wondered if he had any idea what I was calling about because I had already forgotten.

A possible solution:

            Kudzu vines have been devastating the Southeast for nearly half a century. This morning, I read that it now covers over seven million acres in Dixie. Kudzu is a highly invasive alien plant from Japan, which can totally blanket vast areas. The Japanese beetle is a highly invasive insect from Japan, which can strip an apple tree while you’re having your morning coffee. Now, if we could find a way to make kudzu appetizing to the Japanese beetle, I believe the kudzu problem would be under control. Unfortunately, when the kudzu was gone the beetles would look for other food sources, and soon there wouldn’t be a peach tree left in Georgia. Don’t worry I’m working on it.

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther

And now available –  Cain

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

The dreaded garage sale:

            We both hate to have garage sales and after each one we swear solemn oaths to each other that we will never have another. This time we really mean it. The preparation for a sale takes about 3 weeks, there are signs to be made, ads to be placed, items to be cleaned and classified, tables to be hauled up out of the basement, and in general your home is in a shamble. What do you get for your trouble? You get 2 days sitting in the heat making conversation with a lot of people you wouldn’t normally encounter and you hope they don’t ask to use your bathroom. In the end you wind up making less money than minimum wage for one person, which your wife takes and you never see it again.

            I had 25 years of National Geographic magazines that I put in the garage sale. There was every issue, complete with inserts, and fold out maps. I really didn’t want to get rid of them because I thought they would be collector’s items, but they were so heavy that one end of the house was starting to sink, and the other end was lifting off the ground. They were all sorted by year and set out in neat stacks. I only had one man even look at them. I found him rummaging through the stacks and completely messing things up. He asked me, “Which ones have the Pygmy pictures?” I told him those weren’t for sale. He bought a 50 cent paperback and left.

            At garage sales people always comment on what a nice place you have, how nice those big shade trees are, or any such thing to make conversation. One guy said, “I love this kind of grass.” Avon was getting ready to make him a deal on the lawn when I told him, “The grass is all part of a matched set that came with the dirt and can’t be sold separately.”

            We had a couch and loveseat for sale. A lady came by in a Buick and bought it. I tried every way possible to get them into her trunk, but they wouldn’t fit. So, guess who was pressed into becoming a delivery service? Following her home, I kept praying that it wasn’t an upstairs apartment. While I was gone, the woman across the road came over to buy them – she has big strappin sons with pickup trucks. The garage sale saga goes on and on and could fill the pages of a multi volume epic novel. But the thing that struck me so peculiar is that Avon made several trips to the neighbor’s sale and came back with stuff she had bought. Wasn’t the whole idea of having the sale to get rid of stuff?

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther

And now available –  Cain

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts