The Brits…Vol 1:

            This being the 4 th of July week, I thought it might be a good time to talk about that bunch we broke away from. There’s been a poor excuse at humor going around on Facebook the last few weeks poking fun at the UK. When we were there some time ago, they had every reason in the world to poke fun at me…mostly because of my driving, but I gave them ample cause.

            We flew into Gatwick from Frankfort. The lovely Avon and I have never traveled in a pack, with a tour group, we always go like a pair of lone wolves… if a pair could be lone anything. Anyway, we got on a double decker bus that was to take us to King’s Cross, where our hotel was located. The bus dropped us off at a bus station, and we had to find the hotel on our own. Fair enough, I just hailed one of those little black taxies, told the man where we wanted to go, and he said he knew where it was.

            He drove around the block and dropped us at the King’s Cross Hotel, about 50 yards from the station as the crow flies. I didn’t know anything about their money, so it didn’t mean anything when he told me the fair. I had a pocket full of British coins, so I held out 3 or 4 and asked if that would cover it. He said, “Very good, Govnah”, unloaded our luggage, and left. I later found out that I’d paid him $36 to take us around the block.

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther, and soon - Cain

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Face Flex:

            The other day Avon looked at me and asked me what was wrong.  “Nothing.” I said. Of course, she wasn’t buying any of that, so she kept after me trying to get an answer. My answer remained the same, “Nothing.” How many times over the past 49 years had the shoe been on the other foot and I would hear, “Nothing.” Sweet revenge – I loved it.

            Actually, there was nothing wrong. She had just caught me practicing my scowl; I use it so seldom that I forget how to do it.

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High…and now… Blue Norther

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Food:

            Since I retired, I have done most of the cooking in our house. There’s nothing fancy, it’s generally just healthy and simple. The lovely Avon doesn’t really enjoy cooking and I don’t really mind it. She plans the menu and I execute it, usually without disaster. The upside to this arrangement, is that she does the clean up. I haven’t washed a plate or a pot in nearly 8 years.

            Before we both retired, we had a system of divided areas of expertise. She would do what she did well, and I would handle my part. In other words, she took care if the microwave and I managed the can opener.

            This system works for us and it works well, but she never lets me make a casserole. I love casseroles and would have one every night if I could. But… she knows that I will deviate from the recipe. No matter what is called for or what ingredients are listed, I’m going to put twice as much meat and cheese and half as much of the other stuff as is called for.  

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High…and now… Blue Norther

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Don’t Know if I Like This:

A few years ago, while out in Cody, Wyoming, I met a fella of Shoshone decent. We sat and talked a bit and he told me of growing up on the reservation, which was shared by the Cheyenne and a Shoshone minority. The Cheyenne looked down on the Shoshone, saying that they shouldn’t be on the reservation because their blood lines were so diluted. This went on for years with barbs being tossed by the majority Cheyenne people.

Finally, in the heat of one of those sessions, one old Shoshone stood up and said, “The only reason your blood lines aren’t thinned is because Cheyenne women are so ugly, that even the white men won’t have them.”

We both laughed, but I think he was laughing harder.

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High…and now… Blue Norther

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

How I start my day: 

            The other morning shortly after 5:00 am with coffee cup in hand I opened the garage side door to assess the morning and sort of sniff things out. When I did the light fell on a white tailed doe not 10 feet from me. She froze for an instant then launched into the darkness and was gone; I could hear the thumping of her little hooves for a second then I heard her going through the cedars. It was a good morning. My coffee was cold before I remembered what I had in my hand. For those who wonder why I choose to live in this part of the country there’s your answer. Things like that just don’t happen in New York City. And besides that, I'd never learn the language.

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High…and now… Blue Norther

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

 Did you know?

            Did you know that there is no blue pigment color used in the animal world? That’s right, the color in a blue bird, or a blue eye is created by light colors not pigments. A blue jay in low light will turn a bluish gray, and if you look at a blue eye in the dark… there’s nothing to be seen.  Folks will ask what about a blue heeler dog or a blue roan horse? They’re made up of a mixture of gray, white, and black hairs blended into a blur by your eye to make it look sort of blue. 

            But don’t take my word for it, even though, I’ve devoted several hours of study and research to this over the last 30 or 40 years. I’m still looking for any sign of pigment blue in any animal. If I should find something, I’ll be the first to know… you’ll be the second.

Oh by the way, that little blue bird in the cartoon below, really is blue because he’s painted.

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High…and now… Blue Norther

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

What’s in a name? 

            Johnny Cash had a huge hit record called a Boy named Sue, in which he lamented the problems of a name like that. Well, I’m here to tell you life ain’t easy for a boy named Lou either. For one thing you start out with the dreadful name of Louis, which is what every relative you’ve ever known will call by you for the rest or your life. Once you start school the kids will call you Louie, which is okay for a little kid, but no one will ever take a Louie seriously. My middle initial is E. and with every substitute teacher I could just plan on winding up in the principals office because she would invariably run Louis and E together and make it Louise. Then just like with Johnny Cash’s song the fight would start when someone laughed.

Eventually you survive your school years and start work only to find that Louie is not well received in business meetings or boardrooms, so you have to reinvent yourself all over again and that’s how you become a Lou. In the span of my life I have also been called Lucifer, Loopie Loo, Lucy, Loubee, Luther, Lois, Loo (referring to an English rest room), Lu Lu and Loose Change all of which I bore with a smile because if they didn’t like me they wouldn’t abuse me. For the record, no one takes a Lou very seriously either – I don’t.

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High…and now… Blue Norther

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

This is my Uncle Ed and his lovely wife, Aunt Edna. They are from the Missouri boot heel, where Uncle Ed raised cotton, rice and hell, while Aunt Edna was busy raising the roof from the third row of the church choir. Edna speaks to no one lower than a church deacon, and she listens to no one lower than the preacher. Ed speaks to everyone but listens to no one. Edna believes only in the laws set down in the Good Book. Ed has never met a law he didn’t feel obligated to break or at least bend real well. Certainly, they are about as mismatched as two beings of the same species can possibly be, but they deserve each other.

Recently Aunt Edna learned about Christian County Missouri, that’s where I live. To her way of thinking, there could only be Christians living here, so they sold out and moved across the state and settled up the road from me. Ed, of course immediately made a bunch of new friends, due to the high concentration of “Good Ol’ Boys” living here. At first, Edna found that there was a church on almost every corner, and that was great, but then she saw a Catholic Church. She saw some women with dots on their foreheads, folks wearing Muslim style clothing, and the real back breaker came when she saw a church like building with the Star of David.

It looks like they are going to be stuck here, since Ed has already set up his still and built an outhouse. He didn’t like picking cotton anyway. And by the way… Christian County was named for a 19^th century doctor from Kentucky, and not a religion.

Buy more books... I afraid I'm going to have to support these two.

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High…and now… Blue Norther

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

The inspirations for this blog seem to come of their own volition and at the most inopportune times, so I have started carrying a note pad and pencil with me at all times – even in the shower. Just the other day I got an idea on highway 65 between Springfield and Ozark. Do you know how hard it is to write and spell Czarina at 70 mph? No wonder I smile when a cop passes me by.

I've mentioned Uncle Ed before, I believe, but I don't think you've met him yet. This is the Birthday card he sent me. Maybe that will give you an idea as to what he's like. More about Uncle Ed and Aunt Edna tomorrow at their coming out party.

Read more books... It's more enjoyable than pulling weeds.

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High…and now… Blue Norther

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Social Media:

            Social media such as Facebook, Twitter and others can be a lot of fun and a way for writers, and artists to get their work out into the public for more exposure. It can keep old friends connected, and it can raise bloody hell with your life.

            Yesterday, I got a birthday wish from a cousin, whom I rarely see but get occasional FB messages. Well, it wasn’t my birthday, but I appreciated the gesture. A number of others picked up on the message and I got a bunch of happy birthdays, so I knew it was being widely spread. I replied to her and thanked her and asked about another cousin who lives in her area.

            Her reply came, and she went into intimate detail of the shambles this cousin was making of his life, and how he put his wife in a nursing home. She went on about his new wife and how she didn’t like her, and then told me what a mess his children were making of their lives. She finished up with giving me everybody’s phone numbers. If my mistaken birthday wishes spread that far and that fast I just wonder how viral this bombshell is going to go.

Social Media is like owning a Pit Bull…. It’s a nice thing to have, but if you’re taking it out in public, it’s a good idea to keep it on a leash and wearing a muzzle.

What I’m likely to be doing, when I’m not blogging, golfing, or working on a book.

The Crooked Window... 24x28 acrylic on board. 

This is a scene from my childhood in the Missouri Boot Heel country. 

I saw a woman just staring from the slightly ajar window with no expression.

I had no idea what she was looking at or for... hell, she might have been looking at me.

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High…and now… Blue Norther

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Through the years I have said many things that I thought were profound after I heard myself say them. Of course most of you know that I would never consider thinking about things before I say them. I am going to start sharing some of those profundities not to be confused with profanities under the heading of Truths: To avoid charges of plagiarism if it isn’t one of mine I’ll give credit.

Truths:

Youth: A state of maturity when one believes that one will live forever, but drives like one doesn’t want to.

Success: If a dream is a wish with a plan. A dream come true starts when you get your butt off that chair and do something about it.

Success: Trying to get things too perfect is like a butcher trying to trim too much of the fat from the meat… It can leave you with 9 fingers.

Whether you like it or not, more cartoons are being readied.

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High…and now… Blue Norther

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Once, while I was a freelance illustrator, I spent a lot of time with a fairly large printer. One of their pressmen happened to be incredibly OC (Obsessive Compulsive). He did his job well, as long as there were no deviations in the procedure, the materials, or the equipment, but Lord help the pressroom if there was a change. I walked into the lunch room while he happened to be making a sandwich. I watched him set his paper plate in the right spot, pull out two slices of bread, place them in the exact right spot on the plate. Then he stacked the ingredients in perfect order, the way he’d probably done it a thousand times.

I watched all this and when he had eaten everything, might I add sandwich first, chips second, pickles on the side third, and wash it all down with a Pepsi I said, “Did you know you had your bread all mixed up?” Then I went on to tell him that he pulled his bread out and didn’t know which side had been on top. I put my hands together like in prayer, and then I opened them like a book. Next I pretended to put things on my hand, and then I closed the book. “That way, your slices of bread are perfectly placed back together.” I told him. He just stared at me then the loaf of bread.

The next time I was in, his boss gave me orders to stay away from that fella. He said he nearly drove the whole shop as crazy as he was for 3 days…. I’ve been known to stir the sauce a little bit now and then. 

Now I can't say this is true, but I've been told that reading Lou Bradshaw westerns will make you not only more appealing to the opposite sex, but it will also raise testosterone levels significantly.   

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High…and now… Blue Norther

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Another true story:

            When cell phones were first becoming popular one of my colleagues of somewhat dubious character showed me a phone he had gotten on the black market. He claimed it was stolen and that it only cost him $100, a bargain? He had that thing to his ear constantly for about a week then it went dead and a message came up to call a certain number. He panicked thinking that if he called the number they would be able to trace the stolen phone and arrest him, so he wiped all the prints off of it and put it in a city park trash bin. On reflection what he had was a cheap pay-as-you-go phone with some minutes on it worth maybe $30. This only proves what P.T. Barnum said, “You can’t cheat an honest man.” and “There’s one (a sucker) born every minute”. My colleague wasn’t with us very long.

Please Take Note:   This should put to rest any comments made by literary critics around the world. It proves without a doubt that I do know how to write.... It's even got a seal on it. 

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High…and now… Blue Norther

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

I believe we a mouse in our house, and I think he must be pretty advanced for a mouse. Last week he got into the pantry, opened a bag of chips, ate half of them, and then put a bag clip on it. The next night he got into the refrigerator and had some ice cream, and left his bowl in the sink. The following night he finished the chips then looked at the clock and saw it was Miller time so he had a beer. Avon went ballistic and had me setting traps all over the place. She won’t catch him though because I know where the traps are.

Sorry folks but I've run out of the old cartoons. I've got some more that have to be reformatted, but that will take a little time. In the meantime, if I find some more, I'll post them.

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High…and now… Blue Norther

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Yesterday as I was coming out of the pharmacy at one of the clinics I noticed that my shoe was untied, so I propped it up on a waste can there in the lobby and tied it. A very OLD man was sitting on a couch watching me. I told him, “When I was younger I could bend over and tie them, but now they have to meet me half way.” He started laughing and got tickled, then he pointed to his own feet and between spasms of giggle said, “Velcro!” Then he started laughing all over again. I left him laughing, and figured that it would either add a few months to his life or kill him right there on that fake leather couch. He didn’t seem to care which.

Happy 13th Birthday to Grandson, Jack Bradshaw

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High…and now… Blue Norther

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

One of the things that causes a smile to appear on my face is when a police car passes me. That means he didn’t find anything wrong with my driving or my vehicle. I figure that at any given time I must be doing something either unsafe or stupid or both and if a cop looks hard enough he can find it. If he passes me by, then he’s just not paying attention.

 Did you know that the buttons on a man’s suit coat sleeve, which fasten nothing, were first put there hundreds of years ago by the Czarina or Czarress – Mrs. Czar of Russia’ who was upset at seeing her personal guards wipe their noses on their sleeves 

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High…and now… Blue Norther

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Maybe I'm Doing this all Wrong:
Does it seem strange to you that you have to pay taxes on gambling winnings, but you can't deduct gambling losses? That sounds like a lose lose situation. Of course I've never had to pay taxes on any winnings, but it still doesn't seem right to me. Actually, I never win. Whenever I feel that I've got too much money and have a need to "Thin the herd," so to speak, I'll saddle up and go to a casino. I'll hand over the cash to the Indian at the front door. That saves me all the trouble of waiting around all day while some machine or table nibbles away at it. Then I'll enjoy the buffet and go home.
After all, I'm sure the casino management does good charitable work with the profits...They do... right?

Reading Western Novels is considered one of the best forms of entertainment. It ranks just below....

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High…and now… Blue Norther

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

I always come up with a big smile and a sigh of sweet relief when a cop car passes me. That means he didn’t find anything wrong with my driving or my vehicle. I always figure that I must be doing something either unsafe or stupid or both and if a cop looks hard enough he can find it.

I believe we a mouse in our house, and I think he must be pretty advanced for a mouse. Last week he got into the pantry, opened a bag of chips, ate half of them, and then put a bag clip on it. The next night he got into the refrigerator and had some ice cream, and left his bowl in the sink. The following night he finished the chips then looked at the clock and saw it was Miller time so he had a beer. Avon went ballistic and had me setting traps all over the place. She won’t catch him though because I know where the traps are.

  

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High…and now… Blue Norther

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Last month I had to run all over town searching for LR 20 batteries for some Chinese made gadget. Sometimes buying the product isn’t near as interesting as getting to use the product. No one in Ozark had ever heard of LR 20 batteries until I went to Radio Shack and the cross-referenced it in a computer – you guessed it “D”. So I went back to Wal-Mart and got em. Do you think that LR 20 could be the beginning of a Chinese mind game?

You never outgrow your need to read.... Westerns.

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High…and now… Blue Norther

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Did you know?

            Did you know that the song Yellow Rose of Texas was written about a mulatto prostitute? She was keeping Generalissimo Santa Ana occupied in the middle of the afternoon; he had given orders that NO one should disturb him. Meanwhile the Texican (that’s what they called themselves) forces snuck across the river and attacked the camp winning a major victory and in effect the war. There have been many stories of Ladies of the Evening bringing men of high places down (both literally and figuratively), but here is a case, where a working girl was instrumental in creating one of our favorite states. Keep up the good work, girls.

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High…and now… Blue Norther

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

A Matter of Perspective:

Did you ever wake up after a poor nights sleep only to find that your face wasn’t right? Oh, the muscles seemed to work okay, but the parts weren’t where they should be. Your nose was a little too far to the left, your mouth was somewhere near you ear, and your eyes were scattered about. There have been times when I couldn’t even locate my chin. I’ve tried pushing and prodding and shoving the parts into place, but nothing seemed to work as well as a good strong cup of coffee.

It amazing how intelligent and well educated we can appear with Spell Check.

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High…and now… Blue Norther

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts