Wyoming and Nebraska:

            It was in Cody where an old Shoshone Indian and I shared a bench and started slinging the bull. He told me he was a chief, and I told him that I was the President. He said, “Pleased to meet you Mr. Obama.” We accepted each other’s BS and went on. He told me a story that I’ve often repeated and will again: It seems that he grew up on a reservation which the Shoshone shared with the Cheyenne. The Cheyenne claimed that the Shoshone blood lines were too diluted and shouldn’t be allowed on the reservation. The Shoshone countered with “The Cheyenne women are so ugly that even white men don’t want them”

            From there we went through the “Hole in the Wall” country, which was about 80 miles of blacktop and rocks and bluffs and blacktop and sagebrush and heat. I never did see the hole, although there were plenty of holes… mostly in the blacktop.

            Nebraska is like Kansas only longer. It started raining at North Platt and rained the rest of the way home. Actually, the same thing happens every time we go through Kansas. Do you think they would pay us to drive through those states during a drought?

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther

And now available –  Cain

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Idaho and Wyoming:

            There is no question that Idaho is a beautiful state. There is a legend that says, “If you come to Idaho 3 times you will stay there” – we’ve been there twice. All the way home, Avon kept suggesting that I take my kayak back out to Idaho for some fun on the Snake and Salmon Rivers. She never used the word “we” in any of those comments. Hmm?

            Coming out of Idaho, we ran smack into the Wyoming, and since we were only about a hundred miles from Jackson, we just had to run up there and see if Yellowstone and the Tetons were still there… they were and they were still beautiful. I would have to rank Grand Teton National Park as one of my top 5 favorite places. It was between the north gate of Yellowstone and Cody, WO where we encountered the subject of my buffalo in a blizzard  painting, “Montana Morning”. Well, it’s just a stone’s throw from Montana. That big bull was just strolling down the road like he owned the whole northwest corner of Wyoming.

            Of course, I stopped and had the good sense to grab a camera… he just kept coming and coming and coming. He looked big enough to toss that little Honda off the road. As he got within a foot of the side mirror, I said something like, “Hi there, you from around here?” He said something like, “Snorff!!” I took that as a no. He just walked on, and I didn’t take that as unfriendly because I wasn’t really wanting to make a new friend right then.

My next book is at the halfway point.... hopefully, it will be fast and furious from here on.  

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther

And now available –  Cain  

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Road Trip: Stage 6

Making the turn:

            The next evening was spent on the down hill side of Portland – heading east. Again, I swore never to complain about traffic again. Oregon is a beautiful state all the way across, from the coast over the Cascades and through the Blues. Although, the state is not without a few problems. The front of Avon’s car was somewhat discolored with bugs. In fact, I’m considering sending Oregon a bill for completely exterminating the I-84 corridor. There can’t be a bug left in that area. Avon asked me if I thought the car would ever come clean. I told her that we would be better off having it repainted a bug color.

            Another Oregon problem is their spacing of rest areas. They have few rest areas and it is very far in between them. To compensate they have quite a few parking areas. These are nothing more than a strip of asphalt, a few trash cans, and a path leading back into the bushes. After a grueling stretch, when my eyes were glazing over and every joint and muscle was stiff and aching, we came upon a parking area sign. Avon asked me if I wanted to park. I turned, winked, and told her that I thought we might get a motel instead. Once again, my humor was totally lost on her.

To all my readers, A great big  THANKS for making an old man's dreams come true.

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther

And now available –  Cain

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Road Trip: Stage 5

Back on the Coast Highway:

Once again, we hugged cliffs and stopped at every photo op, and once again, we saw Chamber of Commerce PR scenes piled on top of Chamber of Commerce PR scenes. This time I checked every picture to make sure it was in there. We were able to spend one last night on the coast in Newport, Oregon at and inn perched on a cliff overlooking a fantastic sunset across the restless waves. When the sun was gone and the fog crept in a lighthouse about 5 miles up the coast winked at us every 45 seconds or so – it was good. I figured that when God had finished putting Heaven and Earth together He did a little extra work on the Pacific coast just because He loved beauty.

I don’t think God had anything to do with some of the eating places in Newport, OR. Actually I doubt that anyone had given them much thought. We found a Chinese place that boasted “Springfield Style Cashew Chicken” We live near Springfield, MO where the dish was created back in the 60s, and it’s a local favorite. When our order arrived, it was mainly about a pound of white rice with some canned diced veggies, a little thin sauce, some pieces of chicken, and instead of Cashews, it was sprinkled with Peanuts… I don’t think Mr. Leong or anyone in Springfield ever made it that way. Needless to say the tip was as thin as the sauce.

Remember the name "Leong" Creator of Cashew Chicken. There will be more to come.

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther

And now available –  Cain

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Road Trip: Stage 4

A Stopping Point: 2

Our patience paid off because we were rewarded with a tee time at Pebble Beach. To say we had trouble sleeping the night before would be a gross understatement, and to say we were there early would be even grosser. After waiting around for 2 ½ hours, we moved to the first tee, the fog moved across the peninsula, and the temperature plummeted. Jackets were in order as were long pants, which I didn’t have.

That notable venue is if nothing else a huge slice of humble pie. I have never given myself much credit for being a good golfer, but I retract any credit I might have inadvertently awarded me. It was AWESOME. It had higher hills, deeper bunkers, slicker greens, and a bigger out of bounds (the Pacific Ocean) than anything I had ever seen or experienced. I fed the Spirits of the Deep Blue with any number of golf balls.

Our playing partners were a Texas preacher and his lawyer son. The lawyer could find a lot of my balls but couldn’t find his own. He would hit them high into that fog, they’d make a left or right turn, and we’d have no idea where they came down. Once the preacher was in the rough looking for one of my balls when I noticed he was dangerously close to stepping off into the ocean about 100 feet below. I grabbed his arm, pulled him to safe ground, and said, “Preacher, you were about 6 inches from getting called to the home office by your boss. I found that ball back home, and if you fall off that cliff somebody is gonna figure it’s my fault. I don’t need all that guilt for a ball that didn’t cost me anything.” I figured his lawyer son would have had the settlement calculated before his papa hit the water. I had only one chance at a par with a 3-foot putt on #14. I promised myself that I would have myself a trophy made if I made the putt. I missed it to the right – do you think it would be appropriate to have a trophy for a bogie at Pebble Beach?

The staff treated everyone like royalty and couldn’t seem to do enough.  All in all Pebble beach was a once in a lifetime experience that we will never forget. I won’t even go into the fact that we didn’t finish until it was well into a cold, soggy sundown, or that we got lost in the dark and fog on the 17-Mile Drive when we left.

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther

And now available –  Cain

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Road Trip: Stage 3

A stopping point:

            As we drove on northward, we went through such places as Cambria, San Simeon, Ragged Point, and Big Sur. It was one picture book page after another – a surfer’s paradise followed by a surfer’s paradise. They say (whoever “they” are) that there are still hippie communes up in those hills that don’t know that the Viet Nam war is over or that we have a black president – for now.  When we reached Monterey, we stopped for a while.

            One reason we stopped was for a rest, another reason was we’ve always liked the area, but the real reason was we wanted to play some golf. We knew it would take several days to get a tee time. While we waited, we just moseyed around in Carmel and Monterey.

At the Monterey Fisherman’s Warf, a rather attractive young woman wearing a Green Peace tee shirt and carrying a clipboard was making her way through the crowd and heading right for me. I was flattered until I heard her say, “Mister, I want YOU to save the world.” I told her, “Lady, I saved 10 bucks last night because I admitted to the motel clerk that I was a senior. That’s the best I can do; the rest of the world is yours to save.” As we walked away, I looked back and saw her lips moving, but she wasn’t saying anything.

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther

And now available –  Cain

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Road Trip, Stage 2

A right turn:

            We made our right turn and headed through the middle of Los Angeles. Avon had her rosary in her hands, and I had my white knuckles wrapped around the wheel. I’ll never complain about traffic again. Of course, I said the same thing after London, Paris, and Chicago. There were several times that Avon was on the verge of getting out and calling a taxi, until I reminded her that I was a taxi driver when I was in college. I guess she figured “Better the lunatic you know than the one you don’t know.” – she stayed in the car.

            We stopped that night in the little village of Morro Bay on California highway 1/US 101. That road hugs the coast, with a few exceptions, all the way to Canada. When I say, “hug” I mean it is within sight of rocks, sand, cliffs, and the Pacific Ocean for hundreds of miles. I can only do one thing at a time, so Avon was in charge of reading the signs. She worked out a shorthand language to let me know what the road was going to do. She’d say things like, “Left 20 with a wiggle.” Which meant, a left turn, at 20 mph, with several curves to follow. It worked perfectly; we didn’t run off any 500-foot cliff that I know of.

            I should have had a boatload of pictures, but when I went to download them I realized that I had about 70 fewer than I should have. As I would snap a shot, my thumb would hit the erase button and I would…uh…enough said. I figured it out and taped my thumb to my elbow. It was a little uncomfortable, but I didn’t lose any more pictures.

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther

And now available –  Cain

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Road Trip… part 2

Out of the Panhandle and into the skillet:

A couple of days later we found ourselves in Las Vegas, where the thermometers were blowing their tops. The temperatures were hotter than showgirls. Slot machines were sounding like warped 45 records, poker chips were melting together, and grannies were wearing less clothing than hookers. The only things cold were the pit bosses’ eyes.

            Avon wanted to find the church where her mother and father were married some 70 years ago. We finally found it in the old part of town and after stepping over inert bodies; lying hither and thither on the sidewalk, she took some pictures. I didn’t know if those bodies were living or otherwise, and I wasn’t getting close enough to find out. I don’t know what color the church was when it was given its name of St. Joan of Arc, but it is an awful shade of yellow now. I think they should change the name to Our Lady of the Perpetual Mustard.

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther

And now available –  Cain

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

It all started with a question:

            A couple of years ago a short conversation took place in our home. Below is a transcript of that conversation.

Avon: How would you like to take a little ride?

Lou: Sure. Where to?

Avon: Oregon.            

Lou: Sounds good. How do we get there?

Avon: Go to California and turn right.

            And so it began; another epic journey across this great country. Here are some of the highlights and a lowlight or two. 

In the beginning:

To say we began our trip without a bit of confusion and would be like saying a Chinese fire drill would be something most of us would understand. After packing the car and leaving most of our essentials at home, we took off in a cloud of dust and a hardy Hi Ho…. You get the picture.

            Our first night out had us going in circles trying to find our usual stopping place when we go in that direction. We always stop at a Comfort Inn outside of Amarillo, TX. It wasn’t there, so we went to a Day’s Inn, only to find that it was the Comfort Inn a short time before. All this was explained by a man who’s English was only slightly better than my Pakistanish. He explained that he had bought the place and changed affiliations – hence the name. What he didn’t explain was that he had raised the rates and reduced the services and amenities, but that was to be expected. 

stay tuned for further developments

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther

And now available –  Cain

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

.

A Commentary:     

I know I promised not to be political or religious in this blog, unless someone gets really stupid, then they are fair game. A lot of people have gotten really stupid, and I feel that I need to comment on it.

We turned thumbs down on Hillary Clinton, Geraldine Farraro, and Sarah Palin partly because they were women, among other reasons. We rejected Joe Lieberman partly because he may have strong ties to Israel – a friendly nation. The last I heard, being a woman and having a Jewish name were still legal in this country. However, we elected a man with a Muslim name, a group of people who would like to bury us. A man who couldn’t or wouldn’t even prove he was a citizen. We knew virtually nothing about him, except that he was a Chicago politician (quite a recommendation), so we gave him the job of the most powerful man on earth anyway.

I was going to start a campaign to get the nomination for the lovely Avon, but she said she wouldn’t live in that big old house because she’d spend all her time cleaning it. And after looking at some pictures of the place, I’m not sure I’d be able to keep up with all that yard work. That’s a really big yard.

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther

And now available –  Cain

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Football:

I haven’t paid much attention to football yet this year. For me, football season doesn’t start until the day after the last game of the World Series. So I can’t say whether or not these comments are relevant, but they probably are.

            There is a story from Kansas City about a Judge who ruled that a burglar accused of stealing Chiefs season tickets was guilty of petty theft.

            I am told that in St. Louis and Cleveland when a person is stopped for a traffic violation he is given Rams or Browns Tickets, and on a second offence he is forced to use them. In Detroit they issue season tickets for traffic offenses. 

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther

And now available –  Cain

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Don’t you hate it?

When people ask the obvious ~ like asking what you’re doing, as you sit looking at     the TV.

When your computer says, “Windows is Shutting Down” and you want to shout, “Windows are Shutting Down!”

            When your computer won’t let change a file without permission…. From whom?

When you get an email from someone you don’t care for, but you open it anyway because you’re afraid they’ll know if you don’t read it.

            When you wake up 15 minutes before the alarm goes off.

When you put off getting gas because you’re in a hurry, and the price jumps 40 cents overnight.

When these lists seem to go on and on and on.

 A Riddle:

            Some men have big ones, some men have small ones

            Some they can hardly find and some have more than they need

            But to see a woman with one... is a rare sight indeed.

      What is it?                             (Answer below the Cartoon)

Answer to Riddle: ... An Adams Apple. (what were you thinking?)

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther

And now available –  Cain

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Customer Service:

            Yesterday, our internet service was out. So naturally I called the service provider, and naturally I wound up talking to a robot. The robot told me what he was programmed to tell me and thanked me for using Bla Bla Link. That was fine, but his projected time of outage was so unreal, I had to have it verified by a real person. I tried to make it clear to the robot that I wanted to speak to a living breathing humanoid, but I kept running into dead ends. Finally on the 4^th call, I did an end around run on him and got to the real people department, and I was able to speak to a person of uncertain nationality.

He repeated the word for word message that R2-D2 had given me, so I asked to talk to a tech. I was told that I would have to go on line and follow a link to the service dept, and they would chat with me about it. Did I miss something in the translation? If I could get on line, I‘d have no reason to be calling in the first place. My only hope is that CS rep is a hermit monk, who lives in a cave somewhere in the remotest regions of Tibet, and has no human contact, other than by phone…. Because Stupid People Shouldn't Have Children.  

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther

And now available –  Cain

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Heritage:

            When the grandkids were younger, I had planned to give them a look into their Choctaw roots. I thought that maybe we could track a bear with bow and arrows – if we could find a bear to track. We could throw tomahawks, spears, and flint knives. We could eat things like berries, roots, bark, and grubs. Wouldn’t they love rubbing tallow into their hair or painting their faces with war paint and running around in loincloths? I ran the idea past the lovely Avon, and she wasn’t nearly as excited about it as I was. She said, “Can you imagine Luke rubbing smelly grease in his hair, or Jack eating grubs?” Boy, she sure knows how to rain on a parade.

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther

And now available –  Cain

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Oldies but Goodies?

Listening to an oldies station on satellite radio the other morning, I heard one of those 50s tunes that I’d forgotten through the years. It was called “The Terror of Highway 101”. It was about a motorcycle rider of that era… a wild and free spirit, roaring up and down one of the most beautiful highways in the world. It starts out…”He wore black denim trousers and motorcycle boots.” Hold everything! I had a lot of friends in that era who did their traveling on 2 wheels, and a few were as wild as any wild bunch, but none of them wore “trousers”. They wore pants, jeans, Levis, or Wranglers, but “trousers” no way. I didn’t even wear “trousers”, and I was that 97 lb weakling who Charles Atlas kicked sand on. There may have been a few guys in the library club who wore “trousers”, but they were the only ones.

The only thing I can conclude from all this was we were so desperate for the Rock and Roll music that we paid no attention to what was being sung. In other words we were so busy listening to it that we really never heard it…. You work that out. I just say it; I’m not expected to understand it.  

Please note the use of a semi-colon in the last sentence… Until just recently, I thought a semi-colon was a small part of the large intestine.

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther

And now available –  Cain

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

It’s Not Who We Are… But Where We Are:

This little story was told to me by a southern character from Mississippi years ago. When I use the word “character” I mean, he really was one.

The story concerns legendary football coach for Alabama, Paul Bear Bryant. It seems that the coach had received a gift of some beautiful tweed material, and he wanted to have it made into a sport coat. He went all over the state looking for someone who could make it for him, but they all told him that there wasn’t enough fabric for a jacket. He had heard of an amazingly gifted tailor in Oxford Mississippi, who could do wonders with a needle. So the next time the team was playing there, he looked up the tailor and asked if he could do the job.

The little fella took a few measurements and then looked at the cloth and said, “I don’t see a problem, Coach. In fact I can get a full suit with two pair of pants and a vest from this much cloth.”

The Bear was shocked and asked, “How come the tailors in Alabama can’t even get a sport coat out of it, and you can make a whole outfit with an extra pair of pants?”

The little tailor looked up at him and said, “Coach, you have to remember, y'all ain't near as big in Mississippi as you are in Alabama.”

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther

And now available –  Cain

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Ancient missals:

            Avon was going through some this and that stuff, when she ran across some of my old college papers. She set them aside for me to go through and see if I wanted to keep any of it. When I looked through that stuff, I might as well been looking at the Dead Sea Scrolls. None of it made any sense. After all, it was written in the 60s and often under extreme circumstances. The only thing I could tell for certain was, my old Remington portable typewriter didn’t have Spell Check. 

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther

And now available –  Cain

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Generation gap-gap-gap:

            A few years ago, the grandsons and I were out at the workbench, starting on some project or other, when I notice that my pencil had a broken point. I took a utility knife and deftly sharpened it, not giving it a second thought. When it was serviceable again, I looked at the guys, and they were just staring at me. “What did you do?” the older one asked. They had never seen a pencil sharpened that way. I asked how they got their pencils sharpened in school. They said they just went to the pencil sharpener and stuck it in and BZZZT.

            I told them how it was when I was in school. For one thing, not every room had a pencil sharpener, and if they did, you had to get permission to use it. Or you were expected to get all your pencils sharpened before class. Some teachers wouldn’t let you sharpen during class, especially if it was during a test. I also told them that we’d sharpen with a pocketknife, fingernails, or teeth if you had any in the front. I’m sure that they thought I was making stuff up again, or that my classes were held in caves and taught by Neanderthals. Actually, the Neanderthals always sat in the back row.

Good news... My latest book, Cain has been sitting at or near #1 on Amazon's Western list for several days.

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther

And now available –  Cain

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Health Questionnaire:

            I received a health questionnaire in the mail last month. I’m one who answers questions regardless of whether I know the answer or not. If I have to make something up, I’m not above that. I started down this one and it was pretty much like all health Qs – long and stupid. This one was even stupider than most. On the 4^th page near the end they asked about past surgeries, which I’ve had none. I didn’t want them to think that I was a rookie at the business of being a patient, so I went down through the list looking for something interesting that I could embellish. I came to Liver Transplant, and thought that looked interesting enough. The next question won the stupid grand prize. It asked, “Did you survive?” I tossed the questionnaire. I’d always considered myself an expert on the absurd, but I felt that I had met a master. 

I'm delighted to say that CAIN was at #1 on the Amazon Kindle Westerns list yesterday.

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther

And now available –  Cain

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Losing things II:

            Earlier, I touched on how we mature citizens tend to lose things. It’s true; we lose anything that’s in our care. It’s been well documented that we lose hair, teeth, muscle, and memory. We also lose track of time, we lose interest, and some of us lose our minds. But younger folks lose things as well. Too much fun and frolic can cause them to lose their lunch. A head to head collision with the real world may cause loss of innocence. And I’ll bet you haven’t come across any woman in her 70s, crying to her best friend because they lost her virginity? She may not remember when she lost it, but she knows it wasn’t within the last 40 years.

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther

And now available –  Cain

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts