Merry Christmas Everyone

I'll be back after New Years

Taking a little time off.

How I start my day: 

            The other morning shortly after 5:00 am, with coffee cup in hand I opened the side  garage door to assess the morning and sort of sniff things out. When I did the light fell on a white tailed doe not 10 feet from me. She froze for an instant then launched into the darkness and was gone. I could hear the thumping of her little hooves for a second then I heard her going through the cedars. It was a good morning. My coffee was cold before I remembered what I had in my hand. For those who wonder why I choose to live in this part of the country there’s your answer. We don't have many of the amenities an urban area can offer, but things like that just don’t happen in New York City.

Merry Christmas, friends.

Remember the reason for the season.

Way back in the woods:

          As I was paddling upstream on a hot and muggy day last summer, I decided to go around the back side of one of the many small islands in the river. In normal times the water is too shallow to get behind some of those islands, but the water was pretty high. Plodding along I came to a small branch that I had never noticed before. It was heading off to the east and looked kind of interesting, so I took a chance. The stream was a virtual tunnel of overhanging trees, and the farther I went the darker it got. I was so intent on fighting the current that I didn’t noticed that there was not a sound to be heard. The ever present cicadas weren’t even singing. Actually, it was getting rather spooky. What little sunlight that filtered through the canopy had turned to no more that a green glow. As I often do, when I want to stop, I grabbed a low hanging tree branch. Then I heard it, way off in the woods, Dueling Banjos or the Theme from Deliverance. I grabbed a westbound current and slid out of there backwards. One wouldn’t think a kayak could go that fast in reverse.

“Life is much too important to be taken seriously.”

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – Rubio –  Cain…just Cain….Spirit Valley….. Driftin’….Now available JL Tate Texas Ranger

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Or at Amazon Author Central www.amazon.com/author/loubradshaw

A Slower Pace:

          In September, my high school class had its 55^th reunion. We weren’t able to make it, and an old chum sent me an email asking me why. I tried to come up with all kinds of excuses, but I finally had to break down and tell him the truth. It concerns all those girls I used to chase. I suspect that a lot of them don’t run as fast as they did back then. Just what would I do if I caught one?

“Life is much too important to be taken seriously.”

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – Rubio –  Cain…just Cain….Spirit Valley….. Driftin’….Now available JL Tate Texas Ranger

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Or at Amazon Author Central www.amazon.com/author/loubradshaw

Pergolas:

          Through the years and the ravages of Mother Nature, we have lost 2 large trees that shaded our deck. Needless to say, the sun in this part of the country can be and is summertime monster. Our deck became a place you didn’t want to spend much time. We looked at many solutions to the problem from awnings to moving to Idaho, but none gave us what we wanted. Avon found a thing called a pergola, which would give us the shade from mid-morning through late afternoon – perfect. And… the local Lowe’s store had (1) in stock, so off I went.

          When I got the 900 pound, 8 foot long carton home I read the directions, and they said I could be in the shade within 30 minutes – my heart was all aflutter. The pergola claimed to be 10 foot square, which was perfect because our deck is 10’ x 40’. Unfortunately, what the description didn’t say was that the pergola shades a 10’ square, but the actual footprint is 11 ½’ square. So, after deck modifications, rail notchings, and some highly acrobatic and risky balancing feats we sat under our pergola in total comfort. That 30 minute set up only took a little less than 9 hours.  

“Life is much too important to be taken seriously.”

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – Rubio –  Cain…just Cain….Spirit Valley….. Driftin’….Now available JL Tate Texas Ranger

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Or at Amazon Author Central www.amazon.com/author/loubradshaw

I had myself worried:

          This morning I started to put on my hat and go outside, but I couldn’t get it on. I looked at the adjustment band and it hadn’t slipped or anything, so I tried it again – still wouldn’t fit. I thought, “I must be putting on weight.” I checked my belt and it was in the same notch as it’s been for the last 15 or 20 years. “Oh no,” I thought, “I’m getting a fat head!” I ran to the mirror to see how big that balloon on my shoulders had grown only to find that I already had one hat on my head and was trying to put another on top of it. I didn’t know whether to be happy that I wasn’t a fat head or be upset that I was an airhead.

“Life is much too important to be taken seriously.”

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – Rubio –  Cain…just Cain….Spirit Valley….. Driftin’….Now available JL Tate Texas Ranger

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Or at Amazon Author Central www.amazon.com/author/loubradshaw

It makes one wonder: 

          Back when my son, Chris was still in high school (a time I try not to remember), he and I were loading hay into the horse barn, when we ran across a suspicious looking plant seemingly growing wild.* “Is that what I think it is?” He asked. Having a pretty good idea what he thought it was and wandering how he knew what he thought it was even looked like, I affirmed that it was. We both denied having any idea how it got there beside the barn. So… after giving our best efforts to come up with an answer as to how that stuff got there. We finally decided that Red the wonder horse had been smoking pot.

*I later learned, that during the WWII years, hemp was grown here in the Ozarks to support the war effort, with such things as rope, cord, and twine.

“Life is much too important to be taken seriously.”

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – Rubio –  Cain…just Cain….Spirit Valley….. Driftin’….Now available JL Tate Texas Ranger

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Or at Amazon Author Central www.amazon.com/author/loubradshaw

A related golf story:

          I have mowed and continually worked the field (a couple of acres beside the house) to the point that it makes a good driving range for Avon. It’s big enough that she can hit them a long way. The problem is she will hit a 100 or so balls a day, and I have to go out every day and pick them up. Have I mentioned that she is high maintenance? Of course, there is no way that I can find them all, so I pick them up as I mow. The other day I was mowing and ran over a few, which is a common occurrence. They make a lot of noise but don’t do much damage. One ball in particular must have been sitting just right because it came out of the mower chute like a rocket and sailed down range for about 100 yards – with a God awful slice to the right. I can’t get away from that slice no matter what I hit the ball with.

“Life is much too important to be taken seriously.”

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – Rubio –  Cain…just Cain….Spirit Valley….. Driftin’….soon JL Tate Texas Ranger

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Or at Amazon Author Central www.amazon.com/author/loubradshaw

The slice:

          There are many kinds of slices. You could have a slice of pie, a slice of heaven, or you could have the dreaded “golf slice”. The golf slice is when you hit the ball and it curves to the right landing somewhere over there, where you don’t want to be and costs you strokes just to get back into the fairway where you do want to be. I’ve had a slice for years and finally decided to go to the pro and have him help me out. He watched me swing about 10 times and said that ideally he would like to rebuild my swing from the ground up, but some of my parts were so badly worn that it would be impossible, and the replacement parts wouldn’t be available until reincarnation took place. So he did the best he could with what he had to work with. The slice is about 50% fixed, but the rest of my game is so completely out of whack I may take up tennis.

“Life is much too important to be taken seriously.”

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – Rubio –  Cain…just Cain….Spirit Valley….. Driftin’….soon JL Tate Texas Ranger

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Or at Amazon Author Central www.amazon.com/author/loubradshaw

It’s a fact:

          It’s a commonly accepted scientific fact that bird feathers contain no blue pigment. I’ve written about this before. It seems that blue birds, humming birds, blue jays, and etc. get their blue coloring from light color rather than pigment color. Not being one to accept these things just because smart people say it’s true; I performed my own scientific experiment. I took a bright blue primary flight feather from an unfortunate blue jay, which is now flying only in left turning circles, into a light tight bathroom. There I studied it carefully and noted the beautiful blue hue. I made sure that no outside light could get in and turned off the lights. Sure enough, there in the total darkness the color was gone… in fact the whole feather was gone.

Coming soon to a Kindle or other device near you!

“Life is much too important to be taken seriously.”

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – Rubio –  Cain…just Cain….Spirit Valley….. Driftin’….soon JL Tate Texas Ranger

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Or at Amazon Author Central www.amazon.com/author/loubradshaw

A Missing Link:

I hate loose ends. In my books, I always like to tie them up in a nice bow, so that nothing happens without some sort of explanation. Apparently, the Ad Company for the well known British off road vehicle Land Rover doesn’t think it’s all that important.

In their latest ad, they show a lovely young lady stranded with her dog sled by melting ice somewhere in the arctic. Along comes a handsome devil in a Land Rove. He packs all the dogs and the stranded miss into his SUV and drives them safely across. But there is no sled anywhere until the last scene, when she cracks her whip and takes off with her team pulling the sled. He didn’t tow it, nor was it strapped on the top, so it must have flown across. If the sled could fly, then what was the need for a Land Rover? 

Creating a Cover:

          Most covers are photos, but I like to paint my own. The Kindle format calls for a 2x3 ratio. So I work with an 8x12 inch masonite board. Working small like that, I don’t mix up much paint as you can see on the poster board pieces I use as a pallet. When I’m through, I just throw them away. I work with acrylics because it’s quick drying. When it’s done, I’ll scan it and add the lettering from the editing tools on my computer.

          This is the base image for the next book, which should be out in little over a week. Oh… those brushes are very small. One is a #2 Filbert and the other is a #2 round. 

Coming soon ... JL Tate...Texas Ranger

“Life is much too important to be taken seriously.”

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – Rubio –  Cain…just Cain….Spirit Valley…..Now Driftin’

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Or at Amazon Author Central www.amazon.com/author/loubradshaw

Way back when:

          Way back when I was a younger man we all had a way of trying to restore a lost telephone connection. That’s when all telephones were black, ugly, plugged into the wall, and weighed about 14 pounds. We would hold the receiver away from our ear, look at it, and rapidly pound on the cradle button while yelling, “Operator…operator!” That never worked, but we all did it anyway, they even did it in the movies. Since modern telephones no longer have cradle buttons how does one restore a lost connection? Do you rapidly snap it open and closed like a duck eating corn and yell, “Cell tower…cell tower?”

“Life is much too important to be taken seriously.”

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – Rubio –  Cain…just Cain….Spirit Valley…..Now Driftin’

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Or at Amazon Author Central www.amazon.com/author/loubradshaw

That’s the good stuff:

          I had set my constant companion, my coffee mug, down on the deck rail while I performed some little chore. When I came back to it I saw a small green grasshopper sitting on the rim taking a sip. “Hey!’ I yelled, “That stuff’s too good for you.” and took a swat at him to shoo him away.  He grabbed my hand, and quick as a flash threw me flat on the deck floor. Then he spat in my direction and jumped about a hundred feet clean out of sight. I got up, and dusted myself off, and as I looked into the distance where he had disappeared, and

I vowed there would be no decaf for me.

“Life is much too important to be taken seriously.”

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – Rubio –  Cain…just Cain….Spirit Valley…..Now Driftin’

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Or at Amazon Author Central www.amazon.com/author/loubradshaw

These are the times that try men’s souls:

          Imagine, if you will, that you are cruising downstream on a fast running river in a fiberglass bubble known as a kayak. It’s not really a risky ride, but you do need to keep your wits about you. When suddenly you realize that you are not alone in that bubble. You see a big hairy spider slipping out of sight under the seat. You can’t get up and thrash the thing out because you’ll get wet at best or kill yourself at the worst. Your thoughts race through your mind, like what kind of spider is it? It doesn’t really matter because all spiders are carnivores. Yep, they eat meat, and you are meat.  You think if that spider realizes that you’re a potential meal it will bite you, encase you in a web, and feed you to its spiderlings all winter. There is nothing in the world that can give you more relief than spotting a gravel bar at that moment, so you can stop and get that thing out. Trust me; you’ll have spider dreams for weeks after that.

“Life is much too important to be taken seriously.”

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – Rubio –  Cain…just Cain….Spirit Valley…..Now Driftin’

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Or at Amazon Author Central www.amazon.com/author/loubradshaw

Do people really eat that stuff?

          Really people, do you actually eat Squash? Think about it, the word conjures up so many negative images. When I hear the word “Squash”, I think of something I have stepped in, sat on, or hit with a fly swatter. I don’t recall ever eating any, and I probably won’t until they start calling it something more palatable. Someday soon, I’ll give my thoughts on Sour Cream.

“Life is much too important to be taken seriously.”

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – Rubio –  Cain…just Cain….Spirit Valley…..Now Driftin’

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Or at Amazon Author Central www.amazon.com/author/loubradshaw

Here we go again:

          Here in the Ozarks there us a particularly onerous thorny vine that grows in and around other more gentle plants. I took a cutting of this evil vine to a local expert, and she called it cockspur. I thought – here we go again. Is this another one of those “Henbit” things (hens don’t bite…they peck). Everyone knows that Cocks don’t purr. Kittens purr, and cocks crow. Who ever heard of a rooster purring at sunrise? Then she showed me the description in a book, and I saw that it was really 2 words – cock’s spur, which made a lot more sense.

          What makes cock’s spur so evil is the fact it has thousands of hooked, needle sharp thorns on vines up to 20 feet long. It will get itself entwined in a shrub or small tree and lay in wait for unsuspecting humans to pass by. To cut it out you have to be particularly cautious because while you’re protecting your face from being raked by thorns the other end has found the back of you bare legs and ripping them to shreds. You finally give in to one of two choices. You can give up and try to remember which bushes are cursed, or you can go ahead and chop it out with the hope that the local blood center has your type on hand.

“Life is much too important to be taken seriously.”

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – Rubio –  Cain…just Cain….Spirit Valley…..Now Driftin’

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Or at Amazon Author Central www.amazon.com/author/loubradshaw

Franklin could have said it:

          There was a time during the Lyndon Johnson presidential era when the powers that were in charge feared the growing hippie movement. So they sought to weaken its growth by subtly attacking one of the symbols of the times – the beard. To do this surreptitiously, the administration tried to take whiskers out of fashion by removing Abe Lincoln’s image on the penny and replacing it with a beardless one. The people didn’t know what was wrong, but they knew it was just plain wrong. Instead of pennies being carelessly tossed into fruit jars, they were being thrown into opaque ceramic containers where the beardless face of Mr. Lincoln wouldn’t be seen.  This only served to prove the old adage, “A penny shaved is a penny urned”. 

“Life is much too important to be taken seriously.”

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – Rubio –  Cain…just Cain….Spirit Valley…..Now Driftin’

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Or at Amazon Author Central www.amazon.com/author/loubradshaw

Humor:

            I’m going to take a little time analyzing humor. We all like it and need it in our lives; even those grumpy and crabby souls enjoy a chuckle now and then. It makes us happy and they say it will add years to our lives. Humor can be achieved in many ways, sometimes a little irony, a surprising twist to a story, or even the lowly pun or play on words can cause a face to break upwards and an involuntary diaphragm contraction. But, by far the greatest percentage of humor is produced by the misfortunes of others. A pie in the face, a splash in the mud or someone being made to look like a fool. Walt Disney movies all have a disastrous incident where a house is wrecked by a bunch of romping dogs, or a grocery store is destroyed by a mule or sea lion. TV has created a whole venue to allow us to laugh at the discomfort of others called a sitcom. I’m not condemning laughing at someone else’s trouble or foolishness, I just wonder why it works that way. I figure that I have to laugh at something every day, so if by 9:30 in the evening I haven’t had a good giggle, I’ve got a great big old ostrich feather to tickle myself to sleep.

A  huge THANK YOU to all who read my books. November 2015 has been the best month ever for me. Not only were there more books sold in November, by far, but the number of pages read through Amazon subscription services topped the 1,000,000 page mark. Totally Unbelievable! This is certainly a red letter day.

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – Rubio –  Cain…just Cain….Spirit Valley…..Now Driftin’

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Or at Amazon Author Central www.amazon.com/author/loubradshaw