Flesh Alert:

          I know a couple in Florida; fortunately, I don’t know them very well anymore. They have long been practicing nudists living in a nudist compound. I guess Florida had a better climate for nudity than Missouri, which is fine with me. One fine day they announced to the world that they had become members of a religious group...  You know the one, they’re prone to ringing doorbells.(I’m not making this stuff up, folks.)  So if your door bell rings, and you peek out and see an elderly man and woman there sagging in their wrinkled birthday suits and holding a handful of tracts – don’t open the door. 

“Life is much too important to be taken seriously.”

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – Rubio –  Cain…just Cain….Spirit Valley….. Driftin’….Now available JL Tate Texas Ranger

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Or at Amazon Author Central www.amazon.com/author/loubradshaw

Under appreciated:

          I’m a bird fancier pure and simple. I study ‘em, write about ‘em, paint and draw ‘em, and watch ‘em. One bird has always struck me as not getting any love, and that is the common turkey buzzard, or correctly, the turkey vulture. We all know what they do to keep our environment cleaned up and fresh smelling, so I won’t go into that. But have you ever watched them in flight? Only about 10% of the bird species can match them for size, and very few of those can match their grace as the soar on air currents. When they are aloft they are simply beautiful, but on the ground, they are still butt ugly.

“Life is much too important to be taken seriously.”

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – Rubio –  Cain…just Cain….Spirit Valley….. Driftin’….Now available JL Tate Texas Ranger

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Or at Amazon Author Central www.amazon.com/author/loubradshaw

What do you call it?

          What’s the difference between a porch and a deck or a stoop? I lived most of my life where we had a front and a back porch, but now we have a front porch and a deck in back. They’re both appendages to the house, and the both serve the same purpose, which is to get you out of or into the house. In larger cities, they call them stoops, and that makes no sense at all. Why call them stoops when they could have called them squats – they’re pretty much the same aren’t they? I guess people wouldn’t be comfortable sitting on their squat.

“Life is much too important to be taken seriously.”

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – Rubio –  Cain…just Cain….Spirit Valley….. Driftin’….Now available JL Tate Texas Ranger

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Or at Amazon Author Central www.amazon.com/author/loubradshaw

From the editor:

          Well, it finally happened. I got hacked. I suppose I should feel special about it because I always thought they only hacked important people. I don’t know if it was a prank or if someone actually thought they could make money selling Viagra and Cialis by using my name – I don’t even know what those products do. The ladies who got the emails let me know that they weren’t interested and not to tell their spouses. Yahoo told me to change my password because mine had been compromised. I was going to use Duke Basketball coach’s last name, but figured I’d never be able to spell “Krzyzewski” on a consistent basis, and I didn’t think I was allowed to use a Polish alphabet.  That word is unspellable and unpronounceable at best. LB, editor

“Life is much too important to be taken seriously.”

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – Rubio –  Cain…just Cain….Spirit Valley….. Driftin’….Now available JL Tate Texas Ranger

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Or at Amazon Author Central www.amazon.com/author/loubradshaw

Movies:

          While reading this piece, you must remember that I haven’t been to a movie since I saw “True Grit” – not the recent one, but the one with John Wayne and Kim Darbey. When I saw that movie, I figured they weren’t going to ever make a better one so I quit going. A couple of weeks ago, we went to see “Star Wars”, and when I walked through the door, I was smacked in the face with the worst case of sticker shock I had ever experienced. I could have walked into a Mercedes dealership and not have been nearly as stunned by the prices. In fact, 2 senior afternoon admissions, popcorn, a couple of drinks, and Milk Duds cost more than my first car. Actually, it was a pretty good movie, and I enjoyed it… when I could forget about the cost of the popcorn.

“Life is much too important to be taken seriously.”

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – Rubio –  Cain…just Cain….Spirit Valley….. Driftin’….Now available JL Tate Texas Ranger

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Or at Amazon Author Central www.amazon.com/author/loubradshaw

She watches out for me:

          It was one of those cold, windy, and icy nights, with several inches of snow on the ground. I was gathering up trash to take out to the can, and Avon was in the family room watching Texas and Texas Tech play basketball. After delivering the trash, I came back in and found a few other things that needed doing. By the time I got back to the family room, some 15 minutes had run off. She looked up from the game and said, “Oh, there you are. I thought you might have slipped on the ice. I was going to check on you at halftime.” I looked at the TV screen and saw that there was still 8 minutes and 27 seconds left in the half, which would translate to about 30 minutes of actual time.... With a wind chill at about  –12 degrees, I was not filled with confidence.

“Life is much too important to be taken seriously.”

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – Rubio –  Cain…just Cain….Spirit Valley….. Driftin’….Now available JL Tate Texas Ranger

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Or at Amazon Author Central www.amazon.com/author/loubradshaw

Bachelor Bill:

          I stopped by to see an old golfing buddy last month just to shoot the breeze. I hadn’t been in a “Bachelor Pad” for a number of years, so this was almost a new experience for me. He greeted me at the door and said, “Welcome to the Man Cave.” I don’t know if I would have called it a cave because he had more electronics strung around than NASA. Except for the tangle of wires and a few crumpled beer cans here and there, it was tidy enough. The overall theme of the place was what I would call Polish Carnival Eclectic. Even with the tasteless furnishings, it had a certain degree of comfort. One could really learn to love the deep soft feel of a genuine leather couch, and the 70”flat screen TV could go a long way toward satisfying the inner man.

I’ve never thought of Fly Rods as decorative art before, but they didn’t bother me near as much as the 7 hp outboard motor clamped onto the back of a kitchen chair did. I noticed that where the kitchen range should have been Bill had installed a huge gas grill. Between the grill and the industrial size microwave I think Bill had all of his cooking needs covered.  I saw at least one shotgun in every room – you never know when a rabbit or quail might pop up. Having been married and living in the civilized world for over 50 years there are certain standards I’d learned to expect, and with that in mind, I’ll just say that the 5 second rule does not apply in the Man Cave.

“Life is much too important to be taken seriously.”

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – Rubio –  Cain…just Cain….Spirit Valley….. Driftin’….Now available JL Tate Texas Ranger

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Or at Amazon Author Central www.amazon.com/author/loubradshaw

R-E-S-P-E-C-T:

          I guess we all want respect, and we try to give it when it’s due – but not always. As a matter of fact, one our most precious commodities not only has had its name disrespected but nearly blasphemed. I’m speaking of course, of one of the things  we surely should not be dissing… dirt. 

         If we had no dirt to grow the things we need and love, where would we all be? So, why then do we refer to unclean things as “dirty”? We even go as far as to refer to yucky stuff as “soiled”, which is one of dirt’s other names. We often speak of an unclear situation or a political speech as being “All muddied up.” I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m going right out and embrace a big pile of dirt and apologize for being so thoughtless.  

An Extra Dose…

“Life is much too important to be taken seriously.”

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – Rubio –  Cain…just Cain….Spirit Valley….. Driftin’….Now available JL Tate Texas Ranger

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Or at Amazon Author Central www.amazon.com/author/loubradshaw

Sometimes I wonder about things:

          I often find myself wondering about the darndest things. For instance, just the other day, I was contemplating the personality of cocoa beans. Normally, we just accept that all cocoa beans are the same, but what if among all those beans poured into a burlap sack by some South American peasant there’s one that’s different? What if that different bean is just plain goofy and out of touch with bean society? Would all the other beans call it Dork Chocolate?  

“Life is much too important to be taken seriously.”

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – Rubio –  Cain…just Cain….Spirit Valley….. Driftin’….Now available JL Tate Texas Ranger

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Or at Amazon Author Central www.amazon.com/author/loubradshaw

The dreaded Colonoscopy:  

          I knew it was coming and mentally prepared myself for it. What I didn’t reckon with was Avon’s mean sense of humor. About a week before the unwanted intrusion, she went to pick up the prep, brought it home, and set the package where I couldn’t miss it. I moved it several times, but it always showed up again in a prominent place where I was sure to see it. If that wasn’t bad enough, she kept telling me how awful it was, and how it was created solely to make a person gag. She’d gone through it a few months earlier and wasn’t scheduled for another procedure for 10 years. That gave me 9 years, 10 months, and 13 days to plot my revenge.

“Life is much too important to be taken seriously.”

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – Rubio –  Cain…just Cain….Spirit Valley….. Driftin’….Now available JL Tate Texas Ranger

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Or at Amazon Author Central www.amazon.com/author/loubradshaw

Now I get it:

          For several months, I have been following the comic strip Dinette Set. It was recommended by a good friend with my kind of sense of humor, so I figured it was funny. While reading it every day, I kept thinking that it was too close to reality to be funny. Nevertheless, I kept reading. It deals with several retired couples and their view of the world as it pertains to them. It dawned on me this morning that I had been looking at it as a senior, and seeing the kind of people I don’t want to be like and do my best to avoid. So, I stepped back a few generations and looked at it from a younger perspective. Guess what? It is funny.

“Life is much too important to be taken seriously.”

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – Rubio –  Cain…just Cain….Spirit Valley….. Driftin’….Now available JL Tate Texas Ranger

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Or at Amazon Author Central www.amazon.com/author/loubradshaw

Surely, you have the wrong Lou Bradshaw:

I seem to get a lot of emails from charities asking for donations. When this first started happening, my first thought was, “Uh oh, I’ve made it onto someone’s email list – someone who thinks I have extra cash, and I’m a generous sort of soul. 

They all seemed to be fairly reasonable requests for things like Save the Silkworm and Friends of the Dung Beetle. Then there came a wide variety of weird requests, there was everything from the typical appeal to find Homes for Homeless Garden Slugs to Surgical Relief for those Inflicted with Incurable Cowlicks otherwise known as the Alfalfa Syndrome. When I saw a Swimming with The Sharks Excursion to support Ambulance Chasers Anonymous, it was too much. My SPAM folder doth now overfloweth.

“Life is much too important to be taken seriously.”

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – Rubio –  Cain…just Cain….Spirit Valley….. Driftin’….Now available JL Tate Texas Ranger

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Or at Amazon Author Central www.amazon.com/author/loubradshaw

Traffic:

          In my time, I have driven well over a million miles on 2 continents, and seen almost every imaginable traffic condition. The worst was in Paris where they would squeeze 6 lanes of traffic onto a 2 lane street to the detriment of shops, sidewalk cafes, and of course pedestrians. Although, there may be worse conditions, I haven’t seen them. I’m sure the state of California has more vehicles in any given suburban neighborhood than there are in the whole city of Paris. You can leave Paris and the traffic disappears, but in California, there is no place to run. We have found ourselves on roads with neither name nor number that were at least 20 miles in any direction from anything notable on a map, that were clogged going both ways with bumper-to-bumper traffic. I don’t worry that California will break off during an earthquake and drift out to sea. But I do worry that it will sink due to the weight of all those cars and stand the rest of the country on end.

“Life is much too important to be taken seriously.”

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – Rubio –  Cain…just Cain….Spirit Valley….. Driftin’….Now available JL Tate Texas Ranger

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Or at Amazon Author Central www.amazon.com/author/loubradshaw

Team names:

          Did you ever wonder where they come up with names of sports teams? Many are named for wild and powerful animals; I suppose that is to instill fear and intimidation into opposing teams. Others would be named for something notable about the locale such as the Dallas Cowboys or the San Francisco 49ers. Some names make no sense at all, like the Stanford Cardinal (always singular). Stanford is in California, and California doesn’t have any Cardinals but Arizona does. I guess Cardinals can’t fly high enough to get over the Rockies.

          One particular high school team was named for derogatory remark. When the tiny town of Cobden, Illinois first entered into competitive basketball, they didn’t have a team name or mascot. It is said that the first time they took the floor the opposition was hurling insults, wise cracks, and trash talking in general. One of the other team’s players yelled out, “Would you look at that bunch of apple knockers.”  The name stuck and was adopted by the community. In 1964, the Cobden Apple Knockers took on all comers in the state basketball open playoffs. In those days, schools from Chicago or East St. Louis would play schools with as few as100 students. At the end of play, the Apple Knockers were the kings of basketball in Illinois, and nobody was making light of their funny name.

“Life is much too important to be taken seriously.”

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – Rubio –  Cain…just Cain….Spirit Valley….. Driftin’….Now available JL Tate Texas Ranger

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Or at Amazon Author Central www.amazon.com/author/loubradshaw

From the depths of country music:

          There once was a country (hillbilly) song entitled Take an Old Cold Tater and Wait. It was a horribly poor song, but it hit the Nashville charts. The jist of it was, when kinfolk and friends come to dinner the kids are given a chunk of raw potato to chew on while the adults ate. If you were city bred or were born after 1945 you probably think this is preposterous. Nope! It was pretty much the norm down on the farm. We kids would drool and stomachs would growl with the smell of fried chicken, biscuits, and the rest wafting through house while we gnawed on those raw spuds. There seemed to be one particular uncle who would go back for helping after helping as we agonized. If memory serves me right, I left my first loose tooth in one of those tubers.

“Life is much too important to be taken seriously.”

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – Rubio –  Cain…just Cain….Spirit Valley….. Driftin’….Now available JL Tate Texas Ranger

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Or at Amazon Author Central www.amazon.com/author/loubradshaw

This is my 500th Blog post... Is anybody there?

A most considerate husband:

          It was a cold and blustery evening with a light snow falling. Avon had some place she needed to go and told me to stay near the phone in case she had trouble. I went and looked up the number of the local towing service and gave it to her. I was given credit for being thoughtful, but I gave myself credit for being smart enough to stay inside.

Old sayings:

          I’ve heard it said many times “Pigs sweat, Men perspire, and Women glow.” I had always thought, since I usually had heard it said by women that it was something that gender had made up for the sake of delicacy. I was at the fitness center the other morning and I saw a woman giving a treadmill some lessons in speed and endurance. She was glowing like Niagara Falls.

“Life is much too important to be taken seriously.”

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – Rubio –  Cain…just Cain….Spirit Valley….. Driftin’….Now available JL Tate Texas Ranger

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Or at Amazon Author Central www.amazon.com/author/loubradshaw

You asks your question and takes your chances:

          I ran into a fella I worked with before I retired, and he asked me how I was spending my time. I told him that I got up every morning and ran 3 miles, and then I went home and played the piano for a couple of hours. “Lou,” he said, “I know that’s BS because you can’t play a piano.” I looked him straight in the eye and said, “I’ve got a newsflash for you, Bob. I can’t run 3 miles either.” 

“Life is much too important to be taken seriously.”

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – Rubio –  Cain…just Cain….Spirit Valley….. Driftin’….Now available JL Tate Texas Ranger

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Or at Amazon Author Central www.amazon.com/author/loubradshaw

Risky business:

          Yesterday, I was driving down highway 65 when I passed a woman with her neck stretched toward the mirror and she was putting on lipstick of all things. Let me tell you, I got all upset at the sight of her dabbing her puckered pout with that little Q-tip thingy. In fact, I became so unsettled that I spilled the eye drops I was using.

 Sleep:

          It has been said that, a clear conscience makes softest pillow, and for years I slept on a rock pile. The last few years I have been sleeping like a baby. Oh, I’m still the same sinful rogue I’ve always been, but I’ve found that a failing memory trumps many a misdeed.

“Life is much too important to be taken seriously.”

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – Rubio –  Cain…just Cain….Spirit Valley….. Driftin’….Now available JL Tate Texas Ranger

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Or at Amazon Author Central www.amazon.com/author/loubradshaw

No longer a Neanderthal:

          I have been dragged from the depths of pre-history into the 21^st century. That’s right I can no longer claim to be the only person in the civilized world without a cell phone. Avon brought one home the other day and said, “Here you go, big boy. Use it!” I was fair trapped. I didn’t want one, and I probably won’t use it, but I’m stuck with it. It’s not a Smart Phone, but as dumb as it is, it’s still considerably smarter than I am. All I know is it had better be smart enough to turn itself on and make any call that needs to be made because I won’t remember how. Oh yeah, within 24 hours I had already received 14 telemarketing calls. How can they do that, when I don’t even know the number yet?

“Life is much too important to be taken seriously.”

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – Rubio –  Cain…just Cain….Spirit Valley….. Driftin’….Now available JL Tate Texas Ranger

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Or at Amazon Author Central www.amazon.com/author/loubradshaw

From the Editor:

          Here we are at the beginning of a new year, and I trust that most of you have all made your resolutions. I gave the whole process of New Year’s Resolutions a lot of thought, and I’ve closely examined my many faults. There is no doubt I have some things that need improving. However, once again, I choose not to bow to making myself a better person. If I were a better person I wouldn’t be me, and I doubt if I could get along with a better me. I refer to a quote from one of my all time heroes Pop Eye, who said, “I yam what I yam, and that’s all that I yam.” ...lb, editor

“Life is much too important to be taken seriously.”

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – Rubio –  Cain…just Cain….Spirit Valley….. Driftin’….Now available JL Tate Texas Ranger

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Or at Amazon Author Central www.amazon.com/author/loubradshaw