Who makes these predictions?

            I read an article as to what type of housing Generation Y will want. Generation Y includes those whose ages range from 10 to 30. Apparently, they will have no bathtubs and no interior walls inside their one-room apartments or condos. They don’t like the idea of cutting grass, so yards will consist of patios or balconies.  This is all from a home builder organization sponsored think tank somewhere in 90 foot bunker below the DC metroplex. According to this think tank, whatever that is, 7% of Generation Y wants to walk to work. I don’t think I would base the next twenty years of building on 7% of anything. Furthermore, isn’t “Y” the generation that has never walked anywhere farther than from the TV to the fridge?

Uncle Ed wanted to get some Canadian Bacon... 

The last we heard he was somewhere between

Winnipeg and Ontario, so here's one from the archives.  

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – And  available Now – Rubio

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Or at Amazon Author Central www.amazon.com/author/loubradshaw

Pink Golf Balls:

            Avon uses pink golf balls, and occasionally a stray sissy ball will wind up in my golf bag. Of course, my cronies never miss a chance to give me grief about it. I’ve often told them, “When I wear lace panties, then and only then, will I hit a pink golf ball.” There came a situation a few years back when I had lost so many balls that the only two I had left in my bag were a nasty old beat up Top Flite and a Crystal Precept, which happened to be a very light red. It could have arguably been called pink, although I still contend that it was a faded red. Now, I’ve never actually seen a red ball, but I’m confident that they exist. On the last hole, I shanked that Top Flite into the weeds. It was hopelessly lost, but I found another ball of disreputable condition. I took my penalty and played on. As we finished, my partners congratulated me. When I asked why, each pulled out a surprise. One had a packet of needles, one had a spool of thread, and the other had a couple of strips of lace. I honestly believe they would have held me to it.

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – And  available Now – Rubio

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Or at Amazon Author Central www.amazon.com/author/loubradshaw

The cost of fame vs. the value of obscurity:

            For instance, take the case of Tiger Woods and me. We both play golf, and admittedly he’s slightly better at it than I am. But that’s where the similarity ends. He can’t go anywhere without being recognized, and I can go almost everywhere without even being seen. When I go into most any store, clerks look right through me, whereas, he might as well be made of neon. So what made him think he could get away with what he was trying to get away with? All I know is if being invisible keeps me from getting into messes that will cost from 50 to 100 million dollars to clean up, then I’ll take being a nobody.

A Message for those who May be Concerned:

 Ed and Edna have been snowed in since before Christmas and I haven’t been able to get a report. Their neighbor told me that there is smoke coming from the chimney and he could hear Edna raising hell, so I guess things are okay. lb

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – And  available Now – Rubio

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Or at Amazon Author Central www.amazon.com/author/loubradshaw

The Ice Age:

            The Ozarks has endured yet another major ice storm and we have survived this time without the massive power failures. There were many who couldn’t get out and had no place to go if they could, so they just kicked back and stayed warm inside the house. What are the consequences of this kind of natural occurrences you ask? Well there would be a good deal of lost man/woman hours, some loss of retail sale sales, and higher heating bills. But come November and December the maternity wards at the local hospitals will be booming.

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – And  available Now – Rubio

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Or at Amazon Author Central www.amazon.com/author/loubradshaw

Ooops:

            Don’t you just love it when a TV personality has a slip of the tongue? A few years back, the ever lovely,   Erin Andrews had just finished interviewing a worried Clemson coach, Oliver Parnell during a Clemson/Duke basketball game. Even though the score was tied at that point Oliver was greatly concerned about the second half. When she sent it back to the broadcast booth she said, “…and that was coach All-Over Parnell…”

Another project:

            Yes, my friends, I have started another project – we’re adding a bathroom. It seems that when you get older you want to have them located in convenient places. And yes, it’s indoors, won’t aunt Edna be jealous – the Johnny’s in the house.  I’ve had a plumber in for the last couple of days breaking up concrete in the basement floor. I have heard many jokes about plumber’s cracks through the years, but I had never actually experienced the sight in all its magnitude. It’s not something one wants to see on a regular basis.

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – And  available Now – Rubio

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Or at Amazon Author Central www.amazon.com/author/loubradshaw

It’s just a misunderstanding, officer:

            While walking past the courthouse, I heard someone call my name. I looked all around and couldn’t see anyone, so I started on, and I heard it again. It said, “Up here, boy. Look up.” You can bet I was a bit nervous as I raised my eyes toward Heaven. About halfway up the building I saw Uncle Ed’s face looking out of a barred jail window. I asked him what he was doing in jail and he told me, “I was just driving down a back road last night when I saw a sign that said DEER X-ING next 2 miles. About a mile farther down the road I saw a big old 10-point buck standing there looking me in the headlights. So I just X-ed him with my 30-30. Next thing I knew, here I was.”

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – And  available Now – Rubio

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Or at Amazon Author Central www.amazon.com/author/loubradshaw

 Health food update:

            Rice cakes have long been viewed as a source of something to give your stomach something to do, but give your taste buds the equivalent to a sleeping pill. They are dry, tasteless, healthy, and boring. After exhaustive research, trial, and error I have found the solution to making rice cakes palatable. First, you deep fry them, spread them with real butter and grated cheddar cheese, and salt them liberally. At that, point my friends you have something worth eating.

The word of the month:

            I’m sure that most of you are familiar with the word “hyperbole”. It’s pronounced (hi-perb-o-ly), and it means to exaggerate or super-size. I’ve known the word for years in the spoken language, but I had no idea what it was in the written language. Whenever I would see it in print, my mind would say (hi-per-bowl) and was clueless as to what it meant. The closest thing I could think of was a hyperbolic parabolic or saddle shaped. Anyway, this month’s word brings up the question of relative comparison: if hyperbole means to inflate reality would disperbole squeeze it back to size?

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – And  available Now – Rubio

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Body rebuilding:

            I have been actively pursuing a better physical state. In other words, I have been going to the fitness center every other day trying to regain what was never there. After every workout, I check for muscles. So far, nothing has made itself apparent, but I’m not discouraged. I’m not allowed to make comment on my fellow fitness freaks especially the grandmas on the treadmills, but I will say they are very entertaining. As I stand in front of the mirror in the locker room, I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t see any hint of a 6-pack, but I can see a definite keg.

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – And  available Now – Rubio

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

The Manning brothers:

            I knew that there were 3 Manning brothers – Peyton, Eli, and…? Very little information was available on the third brother, so I went to work on it. I finally came up with a likely candidate, but there was about a 10-year age difference, which bothered me. Then I realized that 10 years isn’t out of line so I think I have it figured out now – three great athletes, Peyton, Eli, and Danny Manning. I think Danny should be included in the Oriole commercials; he could be the one in the middle.

Truths:

Life: Life is an oyster bed, and each day contains a pearl. All you have to do is open it.

Rubio's on the Warpath

Available in ebook from Amazon Kindle $0.99

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – And  available Now – Rubio

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Fashion:

            As many of you know, I’m not a fashion trend follower. In fact, by the time I adopt something, it is well past its high water mark. But…. it wasn’t always that way. There was a time when I was right there with whatever the style de jour dictated. The ‘70s and early ‘80s were outrageous years for extreme colors and styles. I recall in particular a double-breasted blazer in bright gold, which when paired with a dark green turtleneck and wide bells made the editors of GQ shudder with envy. I’ve long since realized that the package doesn’t improve the product and changed my look to that of just above homeless. I still cringe at the memory of those leisure suits.

Rubio is live and online at Amazon Kindle.com

free apps available for most ereaders.

$0.99...   Enjoy!

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – And  available Now – Rubio

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Think before you speak:

            Once when I was in high school, I happen to have occasion to use the restroom. It wouldn’t be out of the ordinary to hear cigarettes being put out in the toilets when you opened the door, but this time the only person in there was, good old Bill. Bill was at a sink staring into a mirror; he turned and asked me if his eyes looked red. I admitted that they did. Bill told me that he was putting soap in his eyes so he could fake an illness and leave school. I cracked up and forgot what I was in there for. I walked out laughing my head off and bumped right into Coach Benchpress. The coach was a regular guy; he’d even let you smoke in the Driver’s Ed car. So when he asked me what was so funny I told him. I had to go into a witness protection program to keep away from Bill, who spent 2 weeks in detention.

Civilization:   According to my father, a really small town has 2 stores, 3 whores, and a gristmill. Our little town had 1 store, a woman who worked at it part time, and a cotton gin.                                

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

And  available Now –  One Man Standing – Coming soon – Rubio

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Things get smaller:

            Have you noticed that some things get smaller as you get older? I’m not talking about your number of hair follicles or the hours between naps. I’m talking about things that were actually big. I recently visited my old hometown, which seemed to have been geographically large. I thought it was about a hundred miles from our house to school, but in reality it was about a 15 minute walk. That big old gray clapboard haunted house on the corner really only has about 1500 sq. ft. now. Mr. Thompson across the alley was so huge back then, but I can look him in the eye now. Hmm, I wonder about that girl who sat in front of me in sophomore English with those rather big…

GPS:  

          Avon thinks we should get a GPS device for our travels. That’s all well and good, but I doubt if it would help.. I wouldn’t ask it for directions either.

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

And  available Now –  One Man Standing – Coming soon – Rubio

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Onrushing technology:

            As I sat transferring photos from camera to computer, after having downloaded tunes to my iPod over the weekend, I thought I was pretty hot stuff. I really knew that I was just another dinosaur with a keyboard. It dawned on me how far we have come in my lifetime.

1) The ballpoint pen wasn’t invented until ’38 (3 years before I was invented), and it didn’t become popular until the mid ‘50s when Paper Mate put one in everybody’s hands. 2) Unmanned jet planes weren’t used until WW II, and it was several years later before they had pilots.

3) My first job dealt computers that took up as much space as a volleyball court and didn’t have near the capability of a Smart Phone.

4) A decent music collection would fill a closet, but now it won’t even fill the hand of a 3 year old.

I seem to be about 5 years behind in devices, which puts me about a century behind in their potential. Sometimes I feel utterly Stone Age.

Just a couple more weeks!

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

And  available Now –  One Man Standing – Coming soon – Rubio

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

The Error of their Ways:

            For about 30 years, I have been tracking the accuracy of our local weathermen. It ain’t good folks. They have got us snookered and they can’t lose. When one says, “12 to 14 inches of snow and a temperature of –8 degrees,” we are more likely to get 8 inches of snow and a temperature of +6 degrees. Or in July, they may predict 105 degrees and it may only get to 93. Do we criticize and blaspheme their profession? No. We know they made a mistake, but we somehow give them credit for not letting it get so bad. When they are wrong we consider it like getting a discount on something already on sale. When was the last time you made a mistake and were thanked for it?

Handwriting:

How many of you missed National Handwriting Day on January 23? A show of hands please. Yeah I thought so – no ink smudged fingers in this bunch. I went to the National Handwriting Convention in Omaha and all 3 of us sat around and made row upon row of little ovals – ahh, the Palmer Method. For those of you who have never sat in Miss Marie Schaefer’s class, or who aren’t familiar with the Palmer Method, go ask your grandmother about it. 

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

And  available Now –  One Man Standing – Coming soon – Rubio

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

How does she do that?

            During the recent snow, while the driveway was yet untouched, I stood and watched Avon back out, turn, and head toward the road. Looking at her tracks, I was flabbergasted. There were 2 lines running absolutely straight – her front wheels fit perfectly into the tracks of her rear wheels. I could have taken a chalk line and marked them and not seen a millimeter of variance. The most amazing thing is, how starved I must be for entertainment.

It’s all how you look at it:

            A friend was showing me pictures of her grandchildren. There were 3 of them the products of 2 daughters. She came to the single one and with a loving light in her eyes said, “And this is my little mule.” Surprised, I asked why she called him a mule, and she said, “Because his daddy was a real Jackass.”

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

And  available Now –  One Man Standing – Coming soon – Rubio

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

New readers need to know:

            One of my new subscribers asked if this blog was offensive. I told him that so far no one has complained that is was, but that I was still working on that.

Things that Make Me Smile:

(Another Pottsy Tale:)

            * I love Polish weddings; those big noisy friendly affairs with lots of food, drink, and music. My afore mentioned sometimes friend, Pottsy and I crashed one in E. St. Louis one time. Pottsy had the nerves of a cat burglar. We were soon found out, and were told to enjoy ourselves, but not to leave with anything we didn’t come in with, which meant anything from the gift table or anything female. Several years later I was a minor role player in another Polish wedding…   Avon’s. I thoroughly enjoyed that one too despite the hangover. The thing that makes me smile the most about ours is I don’t ever have to do it again.  

         

* I also smile when I have been reading and my eyes suddenly pop open and I discover that I had dosed off. The real pleasure of this is when I realize that I hadn’t missed a thing and can pick up right where I left off or even get an instant replay of the last few paragraphs. Unlike those Teebo or Teevo things my process is low tech, extremely reliable, and free. I especially smile about the free part.

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

And  available Now –  One Man Standing – Coming soon – Rubio

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Swimming in a River:

            While watching 2 boys swimming in a river a British travel writer HV Morton wrote: “All the time, although you are unaware of it, your brains are storing every fraction of these moments. …you will always remember it although the names and faces of women you have known will become like ghosts in your minds.”

                                                                                                                                           

  H V Morton, 1933

A Memory of Swimming in a River:

            During an outing to the St. Francis River my brother, Fidel, and I were fortunate enough to coax our sister (the princess) out to a pile of rocks and gravel in the middle. We had to tow her out because she couldn’t swim a stroke. When we got her firmly established on a big rock we left her stranded there presumably forever. She set up a howl that could be heard in Poplar Bluff and our dad, Braddy, had to go get her. We got in some trouble, but Braddy was easy; I’ll bet he was just sorry that he was too grown up to have pulled that stunt. The princess has forgiven us; she knows we wouldn’t have left her out there for more than a week. H V Morton was right.

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

And  available Now –  One Man Standing – Coming soon – Rubio

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

New readers need to know:

            One of my new subscribers asked if this blog was offensive. I told him that so far no one has complained that is was, but that I was still working on that.

Clocks Say the Darndest Things:

            As I was waking up the other morning my body was telling me to get up and get the kinks and little pains worked out. My mind was telling me, “Don’t listen to that fool I’m the brains of this outfit.” So I rolled over and looked at the clock, which was telling my mind in big red letters that it was SOY! “What,” my mind shouted, “what does that mean? Soy what?” By that time my mind was awake and I looked again at the clock, showed me in big blocky digital figures that it was 5:04 or SOY if you are a bit foggy headed. I have decided not to pay any attention to my brain; it can’t even tell time. 

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

And  available Now –  One Man Standing – Coming soon – Rubio

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Looking in the Mirror:

            Have you ever taken a good honest look at yourself? You know what I mean; those long serious self evaluations where you weigh all of your plusses and minuses, and you find that your minuses are winning. You probe into the deepest cracks and crevasses of your conscience. You know all the things you’ve done wrong, the things you wish you hadn’t done, the things you’d like to forget, and you hope that no one else remembers. Have you?

Well, I sure haven’t….. Let sleeping dogs lie, is my motto.

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

And  available Now –  One Man Standing – Coming soon – Rubio

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Valentine Suggestions:

            With St. Valentine’s Day quickly approaching I want to offer some advice to both sexes. To the gentlemen I’d say do your best, try and think like a woman – that’s a hard one, but give it your best effort. It could be well worth your time. A fella I once knew got his wife a Weed Eater for a Valentine gift; it was red, so he felt pretty good about his romantic side. He doesn’t seem to be married at present. Don’t be like that guy get her something that a girl would like, and if you can’t come up with something at least give her a nice card – they sell them at the Card Outlet for 59 cents. As for the ladies my advice is Don’t Expect Too Much; you knew we were men when you married us.  

LB, editor... (I like to call myself the editor so I think I'm in charge)

Random Thought:

Have you ever wondered what ever happened to Quinn the Eskimo? He never did get here.

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

And  available Now –  One Man Standing – Coming soon – Rubio

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com