Top 10 Kayaking Tips:

10. If the beer cooler takes up too much room – throw out the life jacket.

9.      When you go into rough water look for the V and go right to the center of it.  If that V looks like a 12 point Times New Roman capital V don’t go in there, or you could come out looking like a Times New Roman ampersand –> @.

8.      If you see a huge boulder at the end of the V – learn to back paddle and start reflecting on your past sins.

7.      Never go kayaking in a tuxedo – a cummerbund is not an approved flotation device.

6.      Lean forward if you want greater speed, but be sure to lean back when passing people on the shore – that makes your pot belly less noticeable.

5.      Going through rough water, it is a good idea to lean back so as to keep the nose of the kayak up. It also gives you an opportunity to look toward Heaven, whose help you may soon need.

4.      Attach a strap from the beer cooler to your ankle, so that if you’re dumped out and swept downstream, you’ll survive until Search and Rescue find you.

3.      Standing up to wave at friends is not a recommended activity.

2.      If you don’t have a wet suit – paddle naked, otherwise you’ll get your tuxedo all wet.

1.      If you are cruising along and hear a faint roar which seems to get louder by the second, and you notice that you can’t see anything but tree tops beyond a certain point – there is only one course of action. Duck into the kayak, curl up into a tight ball, and trust medical science to put the pieces back together – if they can find them all.

Bonus Tip:

When coming up to a flock of geese, never try to intimidate or scare them. A large bull goose does not have passivism written into his DNA.

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther

And now available –  Cain

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