Spoon Fed but Still Can’t Swallow
Some years ago there was a fella I
saw nearly every day, who thought he was a comic. He had a fresh supply of
jokes to tell every day. The problem was we had all heard them the night before
on the late show. He knew I’d made a few bucks doing cartoon work, and he
wanted me to tell him how he could make some money with his humor. The boy
never had an original thought in his life, but I decided to give him some
encouragement.
I told him about the Radio D J market,
which basically supplies gags to radio D Js. I came up with a number of gags to
get him started, and I looked up some companies to send his work to. I told him
to change them as he saw fit and send them off to one of those companies.
His first reaction was, “What if
they steal my stuff?” HIS stuff? I was giving him the material and all he had
to do was address the envelope and put a stamp on it, but I let that go and
assured him they wouldn’t do that…. To make a long story short, he never
pursued his dream of being thought funny…. Remember if you never try… you’ll
never fly.
Here is the list I gave him… I
figured there should be at least 10 bucks in there. Remember these are for D Js
in the 90s.
·
The boss just hired 2 new secretaries this week…
his is named Tiffany… mine goes by George. But at least George can type.
·
The boss’s secretary looks great and smells
delicious… George keeps his mustache trimmed.
·
Don’t worry, I can say whatever I want. The boss
never listens to this station.
·
Hey Gang, I just got an award from the West Side
Garden Club… I’m the new Slug of the Month. They love me out there.
·
I just finished a great book… That’s one.
·
Things are happening so fast in Eastern Europe,
I don’t recognize any of the new country names… actually I didn’t know any of
the old names.
·
My girlfriend, Fifi, uses a super slick lip
gloss. I went to kiss her last night and slid right into her father’s fist.
·
The boss, Simon la Greedy, thinks he can run
this place without me… Just wait till he has to empty his own waste can.
·
Bill, the new guy’s taste in women is getting
better, this one actually has a work address instead of just “the corner of 12th
and Monroe.”
·
Losing hair is like losing old friends… My
entire high school class was in my shower drain this morning.
·
The boss tries to keep up with the latest in
fashion… and doesn’t he look fine in those elephant bells.
·
I had a session with the company shrink the
other day… And I’d like to know, what kind of professional jargon is..... “Terminally
Whacko”?
·
Being a professional radio disk jockey should
command more respect… My mother tells all her friends, I’m doing 5 to 10 in Attica.
“Life
is much too important to be taken seriously.”
Books
by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle
A
Fine Kettle
of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain
–
One Man Standing – Rubio – Cain…just Cain….Spirit Valley….. Driftin’…. JL
Tate Texas Ranger….. and now…. Hell’s
Gate
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