Old Ironsides

               The lovely Avon and I took a little ride up to Boston some years ago, and of course we did all the tourist stuff and the walking history lesson. One of the things we most wanted to see was Old Ironsides..aka… the USS Constitution at the Boston Navy Yard. Those heavy oak timbers would bounce the British cannon balls off like they were made of iron… hence the nickname. We just arrived and were headed for rest rooms, when a loaded tour bus from some VFW chapter in Indiana rolled in

               There wasn’t a soul on board less than 80 years old of either gender. But watching those old gals scamper for the rest rooms you’d have thought a herd of gazelles had burst out of those bus doors. The old guys were a bit slower and that meant the men’s room was taken over by the ladies, while the fellas lined up outside and grumbled…. Finally one of them said, “Oh hell! If they ain’t seen it by now, it’s high time they did.” And in they went, with me right in the middle of them.

               Those gals started yellin’ and using language their preachers had never heard. But they took off. When it came my turn, I realized that I was wearing a brand new pair of 501 Levis…button ups and stiff as a board. I couldn’t get them unbuttoned if my life depended on it… and it did. The old WW II Vets with their enlarged prostates behind me started grumbling and then yelling. I was sweating and wishing I was in Kentucky or Colorado, or Timbuktu. For all I knew those old boys were still packing their baronets. All I could do was get out of there and look for a gas station… or maybe the Ironsides had a working head…. It didn’t.... I suppose that's why they had a poop deck.

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