Things You Just Can’t Do:

You can’t cook with Pepper Spray

You can’t get milk from The Cowsills

You can’t ring a barbell

You can’t put your Pop in a pop bottle

You can’t go dancing to a rubber band

You can’t hit a golf ball with a book club

You can’t boil potatoes in a Peter Pan

You can’t tell time with a neighborhood watch

You can’t go sledding on a slide rule

You can’t keep your money in a river bank

You can’t roller skate in a buffalo herd,

But you can be happy if you've a mind to….Roger Miller

Look Around Before You Open Your Mouth:

A few years before I retired, I found the job becoming a bit tiresome and sometimes overwhelming, so I stepped down to let a younger person deal with it. One day I was talking with a new man, and he asked what the boss was like. I was about to say that he was doing a good job and was fair minded, when one of the older guys came in and said, “We don’t know yet, but he’s a lot better than that horse’s ass we used to have.”

“What was he like?” the new man asked. “Well...” I said, “He was a lot like me.” That’s when realization showed up on the older guy’s face…. I’d have paid a hundred bucks for a picture of that look.

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – and soon to come Ace High

Luck’s Got Nothing To Do With It:

            We were getting ready to tee off, and one of my playing partners was giving me the business about my hat. It was a Panama Jack canvas fedora. I thought it made me look rather dashing. I told him that it was my lucky hat. He meant to say that if he had a lucky hat he’d wear it all the time, but what my 84 year old friend said was, “Well, if I had that hat… I’d wear it to bed.” Of course, everyone had a good laugh. “Larry,” I said, “this is a Lucky Hat not a Magic Hat.” Game over.

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – and soon to come Ace High

Have a look at my Artist - Author page on Facebook

Lou Bradshaw Artist - Author

or

www.Facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Live on the Edge:

My wife came into the kitchen, where I was pouring myself a cup of coffee and asked, “Is that regular or decaff?” I told her that I didn’t remember making any decaff, but of course, I didn’t remember if it was Saturday or Tuesday. So I said, “If you think it’s decaff then go ahead and have a cup. If it keeps you awake, then you thought wrong.”

Some people have no sense of adventure.

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue –

 and soon to come Ace High

It Just Don’t Smell Right:

Does anybody know where I might be able to find 50 caliber machinegun ammunition? It seems that a skunk has decided to make his or her den under my storage shed. I’ve tried every possible humane solution… and some which were not so much, but so far Peppi la Pew hasn’t moved out. Every time I go to the shed he reminds me that he’s still there, and there’s nothing I can do about it.  I figure that if I can shred his habitat with some well placed military grade ammo, he might move out. Otherwise, I’ll probably have to try and outlive him. Actually, everything I have out there shouldn’t be bothered by his presence… what does a John Deere care? Although, my wife has some boxes out there that she may never care to open again.

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – and soon to come Ace High

Medical Update:

Back in December, I had to visit my primary care doctor for my annual checkup. First, let me tell you about my doctor, Dr. Feelgood. She’s a cute little red headed button with a good sense of humor. She gave me the usual going over and asked all the pertinent questions, and then she gave me a good natured scolding because I rarely have to see her between physicals saying, “I think if it wasn’t for your annual checkup, you’d never come to see me.” I replied, “If you weren't so darned good looking, I wouldn't come at all.” She took a big dose of her own, “Laughter is the Best Medicine” prescription.  

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – and soon to come Ace High

I’m surprised that she still speaks to me:

            Back when we were young, on a family outing to the river, my brother and I decided to teach our sister to swim. We patiently towed her out to a large rock in the middle of the river and made her quite comfortable while she waited for the lesson to begin. We just pushed off from that rock and kept on going back to shore. She put up a terrible ruckus, but we kept on going. Our pop was giving us an earful on one side and she was giving us an earful on the other side, so we did the only thing we could, and that was to take to the woods as fast as we could.

            Dad finally had to go out and get her before someone called the Coast Guard, even though she could have easily waded back. He tried to be mad, but he wasn’t any good at it. She has scolded me for that adventure many times, and I still haven’t apologized.  

            In retrospect, we actually got the worst of that deal… those woods were full of Poison Ivy. 

What I do when I’m not blogging or working on a book;

Montana Morning: 24 X 28 acrylic on board. 2013 

I paint, draw, and even do a little teaching, but mostly I just like my nonsense.