Your Daily Dose of Nonsense

Monday, March 28, 2016

Adventure at Sea:

Well, I wasn’t technically at sea, when this adventure took place, but I was close. We pulled into the Boston Navy Yard some 15 years ago, to see the USS Constitution aka Old Ironsides. When we arrived, there were 3 tour busses pulling in at the same time. Two of the busses were filled with about 80% women. The other was from some VFW, and was mostly old men. Needless to say, everybody headed for the restrooms. The women lined up about 500 deep, and the men had a line of about 30 old guys, with me in the middle. It didn’t take more than a few minutes for those gals to decide to highjack the men’s room, so they just moved in and took it over. The old vets just stood there mumbling and fidgeting. After what seemed like 12 hours, I heard someone say, “To hell with it! I’m goin’ in!” The line started moving and women were yelling things that they didn’t learn in Catholic school, but they were clearing out.

When I reached my destination, I ran into a real snag. You see I was wearing a brand new pair of 501 Levis, and they were stiff as a board. They also had a button fly, which was immovable. That in its self was distressing enough, but the grumbling going on behind me was getting serious. I knew there had to be more than one enlarged prostrate back there. I also started thinking that, these were all a bunch of WW II vets. They were the same guys who hit the beaches at Normandy or slogged through the jungles of the South Pacific. I figured that it was just a matter of seconds before one of them put a bayonet in my back or gave me a judo chop across the throat. Suddenly my discomfort wasn’t so important or urgent, so I retreated to the parking lot, with the hope of finding a patch of woods, an alley, or a working head on a 250-year-old ship.