Some Possible Animal Meat:

            I was cleaning out my email Spam folder, which started me thinking of Spam. I loved that stuff! After hot dogs, it was my favorite thing to eat. I even liked that jell it was packed in – I didn’t know you weren’t supposed to eat that stuff. I have no idea what was in it, and I doubt that I would be allowed to eat it now, but I sure loved it – back then.

Squirrel War:

As some of you may know I’ve been on a crusade to rid my place of squirrels and possums. Whenever I would get one I would pitch it out into the road and the cars flatten it in no time to where you can pick it up by the tail and throw it. It will sail better than a Frisbee. The road had became littered with little flat squirrels and possums, so I made a deal with Wang’s Chopstix R Us - a local Cashew Chicken place. I wouldn’t recommend eating there.

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther

Coming soon…. Mid-August 2014 –  Cain

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

A house of straw:   

            I have mentioned the folks across the road before, Napoleon and Josephine Biggs (the $3000 playhouse). I’m mentioning them again. Napoleon mowed the other day and left so much dead grass that the girls piled it up and made a fort with it. They still haven’t used that high dollar playhouse.

The stork club:

            While playing golf yesterday morning, I took a look at my fellow players and then at myself. I started laughing in the middle of a putt. There we were, 4 old men being supported by 8 bony legs. For a moment, I held the vision of a bunch of gangling storks stomping around in an open field.... I missed the putt.

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther

Coming soon…. Mid-August 2014 –  Cain

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Bumblebees are the craziest people:

            We have 3 bushes, which when flowering attract Bumblebees by the hundreds. I don’t know the name of the bushes so I just call them George, G.W., and Anheuser. When those fat sluggish bad boys converge on the shrubs, I noticed that one stays separated from the rest. He hovers about the perimeter and attacks any flying intruder. I’ve seen him chase off butterflies, June bugs, birds, and even bumblebees, presumably from another tribe. I’ve found that if I toss a small piece of anything in his direction he will chase it – hours of fun. But, after tossing I always try to look really innocent – it wouldn’t do to get him miffed.

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther

Coming soon…. Mid-August 2014 –  Cain

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

How to speak Missouri:

            First of all, you have to be able to pronounce it. Missouri is pronounced just like it is spelled, with an i at the end not an a. There seems to be one small town in the center of the state that pronounces it with an a, and it has infected many people from other states. Missouri is a very difficult dialect and must be taken in small doses. So we will start with the English word “you” and explore the various forms of it. If we divide the state into 4 geographic units we can explore the differences.

North of the Missouri River: You (singular) You (plural) Yours (possessive) just like regular English – a most uninteresting part of the state.

St. Louis & Kansas City:  You (singular) Youse (2 people) Youse Guys (more than 2people) Yourses (singular possessive) Yourse Guyses (plural possessive).

South of the Missouri River: You  (singular) You-uns (2 people - pronounced yuns) You-unes (more than 2 people) Yournses (singular or plural possessive)

Boot Heel: You-un (singular - pronounced U.N.) You-uns You-all (2 people – you-all is pronounced as 2 words) You-allses (possessive). There is no word for more than 2 people since few Boot Heelers can count that far.

            The difficulty with Missouri’s Dialects, or Mo-talk, stems from the fact that most of our ancestors immigrated from Kentucky, Tennessee, and Georgia. Those people haven’t spoken English for several centuries.

            While putting this piece together, my computer fought me on every word. It got so frustrated that I got an email from Bill Gates threatening to have me committed if I didn’t stop the insanity. In other words, Missouri words were driving Microsoft Words bonkers.

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther

Coming soon…. Mid-August 2014 –  Cain 

Cain is now in the proofing and editing stage... in other words out of my hands. 

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

A Day in the Life of Lou:

            The question was raised, how did I hurt my shoulder? Actually, it was mostly age and orneriness… arthritis, tendinitis, and a bone spur. It had been bothering me, so I went to see Dr. Feelgood. She gave me a steroid shot, some sympathy, and a little petting. I felt better immediately. A little schmoozing from a cute little red headed doctor does wonders for aches and pains.

            Two days later, we had a problem with the water well, not to be confused with our oil well, which we don’t have. The well tech was finishing up and had a 6 foot long 4 inch diameter steel pipe holding the well house door open. He motioned the neighbor and me over to show us something. The neighbor kicked that pipe loose and it started to fall toward the well tech. To keep him from getting his noggin conked, I reached back and grabbed the pipe. I can’t remember ever feeling anything quite like that. Those tendons were screaming all the way to my toes. Dr. Feelgood’s good work was all undone, and it will be several months before I can get another shot or schmoozing from a cute red head. I may have saved that boy from getting his skull cracked, but I’m paying for it.

            This only goes to prove that the old adage is true… “No Good Deed Goes Unpunished”  

Still in Pain!

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther

Coming soon…. Mid-August 2014 –  Cain

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Only in the Ozarks:

            Driving past a construction site yesterday, I saw a sign that made me scratch my head. It read, “Clean Fill Dirt Wanted”. Now, dirt by its very nature is not clean, it’s dirty. How would you get dirt clean – wash it? That would only give you mud, which would be wet dirt. Personally, I think that contractor may as well ask for some green cheese from the moon. He’d have about as much chance getting that, as he would clean dirt.

Truths:

Will Rogers once said, “I never met a man I didn’t like.” I feel the same way, but there were some of those *%@!!  I didn’t like for more than 5 seconds.                        Lee Brickey

I hope you're enjoying the Ed and Edna feature. I've got a bad shoulder and for the time being, I can't draw or paint any new pictures. But as soon as possible I'll have Ed and Edna in different poses.

In the mean time Read More Westerns.

Timing is everything:

            Back in 1973, the lovely Avon bought a new Buick Century. It had everything imaginable except an EPA mileage estimate, (that started in about ’75) it turned out to be about 12 mpg by actual calculations. That was the year the Arab oil embargo hit. Gas prices skyrocketed from $0.35 to $0.75 a gallon. What really hurt was that we traded a VW Karman Ghia in on the Buick; the Ghia got a peak of 40 mpg and never less than 33 mpg. The one consolation was that the Buick could really get down the road. Unfortunately, a 55 mph national speed limit was invoked. I have to admit though it looked good sitting in the driveway. Yep, those were the good old days.

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther

Coming soon…. Mid-August 2014 –  Cain

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts