The Evolution of a Dumb Thinker:

All my life, I have been plagued by dumb thinking. I don’t mean to imply that my thoughts were mute, and I couldn’t hear them…. How would I know I was even thinking? But I do mean to imply that my thoughts ran contrary to conventional wisdom. Many of those random thoughts were simply uttered out loud and bounced off ears that had been imbued with the afore mentioned conventional wisdom. But they also bounced off the walls and would find a home in some receptive minds.

I found that often caused a turning up of the corners of mouths, sometimes I heard a chuckle, and on occasion a guffaw could be heard. The problem I faced was those dumb thoughts were fleeting and almost impossible to resurrect from the jumble that is my mind. About 40 years ago, I started writing those thoughts down, with the promise that I would organize them someday. I soon had a box full of scraps of paper. I would grab whatever I could find to write on. There were snippets scrawled on envelopes, napkins, receipts, pieces of scrap wood, and of course toilet paper.

That box soon became a refrigerator carton. After more than 2  ½ years and nearly 600 posts, that refrigerator carton is empty…. I guess the well has run dry. I’m going to keep the site open for anyone to peruse the archives and will from time to time add a post. But for all intense and purposes….

That’s All Folks!

The New Vehicle:

          Back in 2011,  I broke down and bought a new truck. My old Ranger would have been 16 years old the following spring . That means it would be old enough to get its own drivers license and wouldn’t need me anymore. Therefore, to avoid becoming a victim of redundancy, I bought a new one. You know how it is with any new vehicle; you make promises to it that you’ll always take care of it. Sort of like wedding vows to Detroit with every intention of being true to your word. So I started throwing all my quarters into a coin place in the console, so as to stop at the car wash and give it a rinse now and then. When I told Avon what I was doing, she was impressed, and went to see how I was doing. She only found 2 quarters and a piece of hard candy. I got THAT LOOK!  She’s known for over 50 years that I’m a work in progress.

“Life is much too important to be taken seriously.”

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – Rubio –  Cain…just Cain….Spirit Valley….. Driftin’…. JL Tate Texas Ranger….. and now…. Hell’s Gate

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Or at Amazon Author Central www.amazon.com/author/loubradshaw

It ain’t against the law… but it should be:

            Several times a week, I go to the local community/fitness center to get in a couple of miles on their indoor track. The track is suspended about twenty feet above the double basketball/volleyball courts. (We use a lot of hash marks her in Ozark.) It’s a nice set up where a person can do a couple of quick miles in 30 minutes and be done.

            But lately, I’ve seen more and more folks walking along with their noses pointed at their smart phones. I’m waiting for the day when some granny rear ends a slowpoke and sends them over the rail and messes up the 3 on 3 game of hoops going on below. Last week, I watched a jogger in the third lane almost crash into a wall in mid stride. He missed the curve and looked up just in time to get a bloody nose, instead of a total nose replacement.

            I think I’ll start doing my walking in the middle of the street that surrounds the court house square, or I’ll find a 2 mile stretch on I-44. It couldn’t be any scarier.  

“Life is much too important to be taken seriously.”

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – Rubio –  Cain…just Cain….Spirit Valley….. Driftin’…. JL Tate Texas Ranger….. and now…. Hell’s Gate

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Or at Amazon Author Central www.amazon.com/author/loubradshaw

Watching out for the Kinfolk:

            A couple of weeks ago, I was on my way home from some legitimate late night business, when I approached a stop sign. Normally at that time of night, I would slow down and make a tiny little almost stop and go on. But this time there was a pickup sitting there with its lights on, engine running, and left turn signal flashing. So I pulled up to a complete stop behind it and impatiently drummed on the steering wheel waiting.

            After a few seconds, I realized that truck wasn’t interested in going anywhere, so I started to mash on my horn when I saw the Richard Nixon bumper sticker on the tailgate. Uncle Ed had the last one in existence, and he must have fallen asleep again, So I got out of the car and walked up to the door. To my surprise he was wide awake and staring at the stop sign. He was obviously on his way home from the Beer Bucket Saloon.

            “Uncle Ed,” I said, “what are you doin’ sittin’ here at one thirty in the mornin’?”

            He turned and looked at me like I was the village idiot and said, “Lee Roy…” he always calls me Lee Roy. “You just get dumber by the day… any fool can see, I’m waitin’ for the sign to change.” I turned around and went another way.

“Life is much too important to be taken seriously.”

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – Rubio –  Cain…just Cain….Spirit Valley….. Driftin’…. JL Tate Texas Ranger….. and now…. Hell’s Gate

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Or at Amazon Author Central www.amazon.com/author/loubradshaw

Spoon Fed but Still Can’t Swallow

Some years ago there was a fella I saw nearly every day, who thought he was a comic. He had a fresh supply of jokes to tell every day. The problem was we had all heard them the night before on the late show. He knew I’d made a few bucks doing cartoon work, and he wanted me to tell him how he could make some money with his humor. The boy never had an original thought in his life, but I decided to give him some encouragement.

I told him about the Radio D J market, which basically supplies gags to radio D Js. I came up with a number of gags to get him started, and I looked up some companies to send his work to. I told him to change them as he saw fit and send them off to one of those companies.

His first reaction was, “What if they steal my stuff?”  HIS stuff?  I was giving him the material and all he had to do was address the envelope and put a stamp on it, but I let that go and assured him they wouldn’t do that…. To make a long story short, he never pursued his dream of being thought funny…. Remember if you never try… you’ll never fly.

Here is the list I gave him… I figured there should be at least 10 bucks in there. Remember these are for D Js in the 90s.

·       The boss just hired 2 new secretaries this week… his is named Tiffany… mine goes by George. But at least George can type.

·       The boss’s secretary looks great and smells delicious… George keeps his mustache trimmed.

·       Don’t worry, I can say whatever I want. The boss never listens to this station.

·       Hey Gang, I just got an award from the West Side Garden Club… I’m the new Slug of the Month. They love me out there.

·       I just finished a great book… That’s one.

·       Things are happening so fast in Eastern Europe, I don’t recognize any of the new country names… actually I didn’t know any of the old names.

·       My girlfriend, Fifi, uses a super slick lip gloss. I went to kiss her last night and slid right into her father’s fist.

·       The boss, Simon la Greedy, thinks he can run this place without me… Just wait till he has to empty his own waste can.

·       Bill, the new guy’s taste in women is getting better, this one actually has a work address instead of just “the corner of 12^th and Monroe.”

·       Losing hair is like losing old friends… My entire high school class was in my shower drain this morning.

·       The boss tries to keep up with the latest in fashion… and doesn’t he look fine in those elephant bells.

·       I had a session with the company shrink the other day… And I’d like to know, what kind of professional jargon is..... “Terminally Whacko”?

·       Being a professional radio disk jockey should command more respect… My mother tells all her friends, I’m doing 5 to 10 in Attica.  

“Life is much too important to be taken seriously.”

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – Rubio –  Cain…just Cain….Spirit Valley….. Driftin’…. JL Tate Texas Ranger….. and now…. Hell’s Gate

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Or at Amazon Author Central www.amazon.com/author/loubradshaw

Keeping Up Appearances:

There are a few things that I can do well. And there are many things that I really can’t do with any amount of skill or expertise. Then there are a number of things that I really stink at, but I look good doing them. I play a good deal of golf, sometimes 3 or more times a week. If the truth be known, I’m not great, but I really look gooood doing it. My playing partners will tell me something like, “You sliced it way right into the trees.” To which I’ll reply, “Yeah, but how did I look on my follow through?” Then they will all hold up cards ranging from 1 through 10. I figure that at my age and flexibility, an 8.5 is good.

          Years ago, Avon and I were bowling, and of course I was putting more style than English into my delivery. A woman from the far end of the bowling alley came walking our way. She came up behind our score table, brazenly craned her neck to see the sheet, then stood up and said, “Humph! I thought he was a lot better than that.” I was thrilled with that. My motto has always been, You’re only as good as you’re perceived to be.

“Life is much too important to be taken seriously.”

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

–  One Man Standing – Rubio –  Cain…just Cain….Spirit Valley….. Driftin’…. JL Tate Texas Ranger….. and now…. Hell’s Gate

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Or at Amazon Author Central www.amazon.com/author/loubradshaw