I love ham. Ham in any shape, form, or fashion gets 2 thumbs up from me. The only fly in my ham loving ointment is that in my early years I lived on a farm (more cotton than critters), and I can’t quite forget where ham comes from.

            The easiest way to be identified as a fool is to say or do stupid things. …. What? Okay, so some of these aren’t jewels, but they are true aren’t they? Try this one thenThe surest way to show the world that your candle has a dim glow is to try and pass yourself off as a lighthouse.

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High…and now… Blue Norther

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

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Product Labeling:

            Sometimes I really wonder where they come up with some of he nomenclatures they use to describe products. For instance what is Extra Virgin Olive Oil? I had always thought virgin was virgin, or does that depict an olive still hanging on the tree who hasn’t even thought about it?

Seasonal Sounds;

I’ve noticed that as the weather is gets colder and as my creaky old joints start to get creakier, they still seem to work, but they make a lot more noise. In the summer I can move around like a cat burglar, but in the winter I couldn’t sneak up on a dead horse.

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High…and now… Blue Norther

A Tree is a Tree is a Tree:

            I play golf every Wednesday with the same bunch of scoundrels, and I can deal with their superstitions, their foibles and their flaws. But I have trouble dealing with their lack of flora knowledge. I’m no expert in tree identification but I know the difference between an oak and an elm, and I can spot a dawn redwood or a weeping Cyprus. But these guys only know two trees. They can tell the difference (sometimes) between a conifer and a deciduous, especially in the fall. An evergreen is known as a cedar and one with leaves is known as an oak. I finally quit asking where my ball went because every time I would get the same answer, “It’s over there behind that cedar.”  

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High…and now… Blue Norther

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Another (True) Boot Heel Tale:

            While I was attending SEMO State College, I worked in a town south of there as a …. cab driver. This town didn’t have a large population, but it had 2 cab companies, and I drove folks around from 6 pm to 6 am on Friday and Saturday nights… a job from the depths of hell. About 2 am one night, I picked up a fare at the jail… a very large and very intoxicated lady, who parked herself in the major half of the front seat (nobody ever rode in the back seat). She wanted a cigarette, but I didn’t have her brand, so she pulled out a really big knife and said she would do some unspeakable if not unimaginable things to me if I didn’t get her a Winston. Of course, nothing was open at that time, so I told her I’d get some at the cab station. When I got there, I told the dispatcher to call the cops. They came, they beat here around a bit, and then they hauled her off back to jail, and I had to go and make a complaint.

            My boss was furious, not at her, but at me because he had to call in another driver, since I was wasting my time filling out reports at the police station. He told me, “If you ever have something like that again, you shoot ‘em drive ‘em out of town, dump ‘em in a ditch, and get back to work….no one will be the wiser.” Then he gave me a little snub nosed pistol to carry, and I realized that he wasn’t kidding. I carried that gun for about a year, but I never shot anybody… that I’ll admit to.

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High…and now… Blue Norther

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

The Missouri Boot Heel:

            If you’re not familiar with it, I’m talking about that little piece of the Show Me state along the Mississippi River that extends down into Arkansas, for no apparent reason. Folks grow 2 things there; cotton and kids, and they grow a lot of each. I suspect the cotton has more value than the youngsters because they spend more time tending the cotton than the kids. Furthermore, kids are easier to get new ones started if the crop doesn’t turn out so good.

            If you think I’m boot heel bashing, you’re right, but I have a right to, since I was born there, started school there, and went back there for college. That sentence alone should give you some idea of my overall intelligence.

I received an email the other day from a former friend which stated:

The US Congress has voted to return the Missouri boot heel to Arkansas. The reason for this unprecedented move was because it will increase the IQ averages of both states by at least 40%.

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High…and now… Blue Norther

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

I played golf yesterday and had a nightmare front nine...54, but things turned around dramatically on the back nine. I came in with a 42.  No I didn't have my personal swing coach out there with me on the back. I just learned a simple easy fix...I kept score on the back nine.
A golf card isn't specifically spelled out under the the 10 Commandments.

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High…and now… Blue Norther

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

You never outgrow your need to read.... and besides, I could use the money.

            A fella was complaining to me the other day that since he had gotten older he became rattled a lot easier. I told him that he had lost so many brain cells in the 60s and 70s that his skull was like an empty coffee can with a ball bearing in it, and it was naturally going to rattle. He probably won’t ever become a really good friend.

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I have never understood the term Finger Food. What does that mean? Is it a food that a football quarterback might eat to give him strong ball gripping fingers? Or do our fingers have secret lives of their own and get up in the middle of the night to raid the fridge?          

What I’m likely to be doing, when I’m not blogging, golfing, or working on a book.

Sunday Morning Repentant, Acrylic on board,  14 x 11... Not painted from real life (well, maybe from memory)

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High…and now… Blue Norther

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts