Miss Muffit 2014:

This adaptation of the well-known children’s nursery rhyme was triggered by a back porch story told to me by St. Louis’s own Dr. Ed.

            Little Miss Muffit sat at a buffet

            Scarfing down tray after tray

            Along came Prince Charming

            But the sight was alarming

            So the prince was up and away. (Life ain’t easy for a girl named Muffit)

Don’t you hate that?

            Don’t you hate it when you are trying to save something on your computer or trying to open a file, and you get a message that you do not have access to that file and to contact your administrator for permission? It makes me want to yell at the smart Alec in all upper case, “YOU #@&*! MACHINE! I CREATED THAT FILE AND I AM THE ADMINISTRATOR!!!” Actually, I have done that and it doesn’t work.

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

And  available Now –  One Man Standing

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

Size really does matter:

          The lovely Avon wanted a large painting as part of her Christmas décor. I was commissioned for the task mostly because I work cheap. I had a large frame and decided to make the painting fit the frame (first mistake). This thing has turned out to be over 4 times the size I normally work. A painting goes through alternating stages of “it’s gonna be okay” and “I hate it”. So far the “I hate its” are winning, but I can’t give up and Christmas is getting closer. There is so much canvas to cover that I’m running out of paint and my brushes are all too small. I’m considering changing the theme to a full-blown blizzard scene with one lost red nosed reindeer. Actually, all you will see is the nose and I can do the rest with white house paint and a roller. Hope she likes it. Did I mention that this is a big boy painting?

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

And  available Now –  One Man Standing

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

I couldn’t make this stuff up:

            I woke up one Sunday morning feeling that I ought to go to church with Avon. Now, I go to church often, or sometimes, or when there’s a wedding, funeral, or christening. Friends have warned me that if I walked into a church on my own that the roof would fall in, so I was a little nervous and kept my eye on the ceiling. The priest was doing a bang up job; he was a humorous old ripper. He was almost finished when he looked up and saw me. He faltered. He excused himself and had to sit down for about a minute, and then got up and resumed. As he was preparing the communion, he looked at me again, slumped over, and collapsed. I thought, “Uh oh, I killed a priest.” and started looking for an exit. Folks ran up, messed with him, and determined that he was having a diabetic reaction. They called for a diabetes kit or some candy. When I go to places where I can’t talk I always carry little Brach’s mints to keep my mouth from getting bored. So, I took some up, and they gave them to him. In a few minutes, he was starting to come out of it. When the paramedics were taking him to the ambulance, he was talking his head off in Latin (he still had his microphone on). I suspect that he was warning them about me, but nobody could understand him.

            I told a friend about this and he said that Rome would probably declare it The Miracle of the Mint and have me canonized. Does that mean they are going to use a cannon on me?

An Extra Dose

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

And  available Now –  One Man Standing

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

These things only happen in the movies, and to me:

            It was a warm spring day and I was in the third grade for the first and only time. It was all I could do to keep my eyes open. My head was propped up in my hands and I was going to hit the desk at any second. Mr. Gore, the teacher, came up behind me, put his hand on my shoulder, and asked, “Spring fever?” Then he started singing in a rich, strong baritone, “Lazy bones sleeping in the noonday sun…” Mr. Gore was a regular at the St. Louis Muni Opera. When he finished, there was a tremendous ruckus from the hall. The whole second floor of that school, teachers and students, were out there clapping like crazy. I was awake by then.

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

And  available Now –  One Man Standing

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw7@gmail.com

A little nonsense goes a long way:

            Without question, I dish out a lot of nonsense in my day-to-day existence. Most people only have to deal with me for short periods of time, and for the most part, they leave me smiling. The one person who has to deal with me for long periods has resorted to several sanity saving devices. One of which is her Honda Civic. She can hop into it and makes a much-needed getaway. Another is her built in BS meter, which measures the acceptable level of BS (you all know what that stands for) that her system can stand. When critical mass is approaching, her pupils disappear and little wisps of steam come from her ears. That’s when I grab the first available vehicle and make a much-needed getaway.

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

And  available Now –  One Man Standing

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw8@gmail.com

Globetrotting:

            Some years ago, Avon and I happened to find ourselves in London, England. We landed at Gatwick and took a double-decked bus to King’s Cross Station. There we got into one of those little black taxies to go to our hotel. It was a short ride and the driver told me how much the fare was, which meant absolutely nothing to me. I could barely speak the language. So, I pulled out a handful of coins and asked if that would cover it. He said, “Very good, Govner.” and took the money. I later learned that I had given him the equivalent of $17 US dollars for a 2-block taxi ride. I’ll bet that boy just loved to see Yanks come into town. I know you’ll find this hard to believe, but that was not the dumbest thing I’ve ever done.

Semi-Famous Quotes...

1.   Never have your wife hold the end of the spark plug wire while you check the firing of the lawn mower.

2.   2. Old age is like money, it comes and goes.

from long time friend, Charlie Vohs

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

And  available Now –  One Man Standing

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw8@gmail.com

I always try to have helpful suggestions:

            I was getting ready to leave the house one morning to play golf, and the lovely Avon was giving me her usual once over to make sure that I hadn’t dressed like a fool. She plays golf there too and can’t have me out there embarrassing her. As I was heading for the door, she started messing with my back pocket flap. I asked her what she was doing and she told me that she was trying to button it so I wouldn’t lose my wallet. I told her, “Just put it in the other pocket – it’s already buttoned.” The woman lacks a sense of humor that early in the morning.

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther – Cain

And  available Now –  One Man Standing

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Or you can contact me at loubradshaw8@gmail.com