Messages from space:

            As some of you may not know, I’ve been receiving messages from a star system far far away from the Milky Way. The planet in question, is much like Earth in that it can sustain life. I’ve named it Outta, and my messages are coming from a being, whom I’ve tagged as Bob.

Bob, my intergalactic correspondent, recently asked me how I came to call his planet Outta, when it already had the name Gznrkgri. I told him for one thing, I couldn’t pronounce Gznrkgri and would never be able to spell it the same twice. I also told him that when I took my news to NASA in Houston, I was shown to a high mucky-muck, who sat and listened to my story and reviewed all my data printouts. He then pressed the intercom button and said, “Would you please send Peterson in?” Within seconds a big burly Air Force sergeant with an MP helmet stepped in.

The mucky-muck said, “Sergeant, get this loony OUTTA here!” I guess Mr. Mucky-Muck did the naming… not me.

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther

And now available –  Cain

The next book,"One Man Standing," is scheduled to be released at the end of November 2014

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

It’s driving me nuts:

            Have you ever had a song stuck in your head? It’ll make you go bonkers if it stays there all day; if it stays there for 2 days you’re ready for the men in white coats. How would you like it for 2 years? I’ve had “Alone Again (Naturally)”, a 1972 hit by Gilbert O’Sullivan as my constant companion for over 2 years. The only reason I mention this is that one of you will remember it and it will stick in your head and leave me alone again.

I’ve been wondering:

            Do elephants kiss? If they do, what do they do with their trunks? I’ve looked at it from any number of ways, but I just don’t see it happening. Give that some thought, and get back to me.

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther

And now available –  Cain

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Did you know?

            Did you know that lettuce was the only vegetable that is never processed in any way? It’s never frozen, fried, or fricasseed, nor is it steamed, stewed, or sauteed. It is what it is. And did you know that honey is the only food that will not spoil? It may turn into a lump of sugar, but it won’t spoil. Bees are pretty fussy about such things. 

Ice Cream, my second great love:

            It’s no secret that I love ice cream. My natural choice in flavors is chocolate, but if it comes with something else I figure the more the merrier. If I could get chocolate-strawberry-raspberry-fudge-3nut surprise-ripple I would. My philosophy is if they offer it I’ll take it. In fact if it came with mustard and catsup with fries on the side – I’d be there. 

            

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther

And now available –  Cain

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

I don’t feel so bad:

            A programmer friend of mine, who shall remain nameless under the threat of untold horrors that would be inflicted on my computer if I gave his name, relayed this story to me. It seems while he was putting a web page together using multiple screens and a wireless mouse he got so engrossed that he lost track of his mouse. He looked all over the work area, under, and behind. He finally got up and checked out the whole room, and then he went into the kitchen to ask his wife if she’d seen it. She, being the sweetheart that she is, went back to help him hunt. They walked in and she spotted it immediately on the desk – right where he had set it down to get up and look for it. Friends, this is a relatively young man; by the time he reaches my age he won’t even remember where he put the kitchen.  

 

I'm hoping to have the next book (still untitled) released about the time Uncle Ed and Bob are having their "B" Vitamins. Sometime near the end of November.

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther

And now available –  Cain

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Band Aid update:

            A few issues back I wrote about my necessity for having a large supply of band aids on hand. My sister took pity on me and sent me one of her incredible handmade “It Sucks to be You” cards. Inside she had hot glued dozens of band aids. Of course, having gotten a paper cut opening the envelope, I put one to immediate use. They were imprinted with big eyed bunnies, puppies, kittens, and fishies – all in the most outrageous colors. I liked them! In fact they are my new bandage of choice. I could be really hot stuff in any second grade class in the country. Yesterday, I noticed that the lovely Avon was sporting one on some imagined boo-boo.

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther

And now available –  Cain

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Why I don’t use the phone:

            When I recently called my son’s house, and my grandson answered the phone. I said hello and told him it was grandpa. He said, “I know, we have Caller Idea.” I wondered if he had any idea what I was calling about because I had already forgotten.

A possible solution:

            Kudzu vines have been devastating the Southeast for nearly half a century. This morning, I read that it now covers over seven million acres in Dixie. Kudzu is a highly invasive alien plant from Japan, which can totally blanket vast areas. The Japanese beetle is a highly invasive insect from Japan, which can strip an apple tree while you’re having your morning coffee. Now, if we could find a way to make kudzu appetizing to the Japanese beetle, I believe the kudzu problem would be under control. Unfortunately, when the kudzu was gone the beetles would look for other food sources, and soon there wouldn’t be a peach tree left in Georgia. Don’t worry I’m working on it.

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther

And now available –  Cain

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

The dreaded garage sale:

            We both hate to have garage sales and after each one we swear solemn oaths to each other that we will never have another. This time we really mean it. The preparation for a sale takes about 3 weeks, there are signs to be made, ads to be placed, items to be cleaned and classified, tables to be hauled up out of the basement, and in general your home is in a shamble. What do you get for your trouble? You get 2 days sitting in the heat making conversation with a lot of people you wouldn’t normally encounter and you hope they don’t ask to use your bathroom. In the end you wind up making less money than minimum wage for one person, which your wife takes and you never see it again.

            I had 25 years of National Geographic magazines that I put in the garage sale. There was every issue, complete with inserts, and fold out maps. I really didn’t want to get rid of them because I thought they would be collector’s items, but they were so heavy that one end of the house was starting to sink, and the other end was lifting off the ground. They were all sorted by year and set out in neat stacks. I only had one man even look at them. I found him rummaging through the stacks and completely messing things up. He asked me, “Which ones have the Pygmy pictures?” I told him those weren’t for sale. He bought a 50 cent paperback and left.

            At garage sales people always comment on what a nice place you have, how nice those big shade trees are, or any such thing to make conversation. One guy said, “I love this kind of grass.” Avon was getting ready to make him a deal on the lawn when I told him, “The grass is all part of a matched set that came with the dirt and can’t be sold separately.”

            We had a couch and loveseat for sale. A lady came by in a Buick and bought it. I tried every way possible to get them into her trunk, but they wouldn’t fit. So, guess who was pressed into becoming a delivery service? Following her home, I kept praying that it wasn’t an upstairs apartment. While I was gone, the woman across the road came over to buy them – she has big strappin sons with pickup trucks. The garage sale saga goes on and on and could fill the pages of a multi volume epic novel. But the thing that struck me so peculiar is that Avon made several trips to the neighbor’s sale and came back with stuff she had bought. Wasn’t the whole idea of having the sale to get rid of stuff?

 Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther

And now available –  Cain

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts