Did you know?

            Did you know that just last week the one-millionth word was added to the English language? It was of the Techno-Gibberish variety, which meant absolutely nothing to me. I had estimated that there were about one hundred thousand, which would be more than enough. I guess it doesn’t really matter to me because I only know a couple of hundred and can spell very few of those.

Truths:

 A smile is something everybody everywhere does in the same language.     Wooden Ships by Crosby, Stills & Nash

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther

Coming soon…. Mid-August 2014 –  Cain

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Some of you may not know it but, I have a part time job as an adviser to the lovelorn. Here is a recent letter.

Doctor Love: This letter is from Janice in Atlanta:

            Dear Dr. Love, My husband is 30 years older than me and is a very successful businessman. I live in the lap of luxury with servants, jewels, and exclusive memberships. He works long into the night and sometimes he comes home smelling of cheap perfume and gin. I have also found feminine garments in his car. Should I leave him?

            Dear Janice: So, you’re married to an old, hard working, sneak drinking, cross dresser, with poor taste in after-shave, who is extremely generous. Get him some better cologne, and let him borrow some of your clothes now and then.

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther

Coming soon…. Mid-August 2014 –  Cain

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

Physically pitiful:

            When our new community center opened, Avon was quick to sign us up for membership, which meant the dreaded gym. So with gym bag in hand and a gun pointed at my head, I went. I even took on a personal trainer. Her name is Fi-Fi LaTorso, which is French for “Oooo-La-La.” I wanted to come an hour later one day and she said she couldn’t switch because her next client was a very important Texas oil billionaire who flew in from Dallas for each appointment, and he needed a LOT of help.

As I was leaving I bumped into Uncle Ed grinning like a moron, wearing his high school gym shorts, a 10 gallon hat, and cowboy boots.

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther

Coming soon…. Mid-August 2014 –  Cain

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

An Exercise in Futility:

            I live at the very top of a verrry steep hill, which allows me a great view. But with an intersecting road directly across from us, the county has deemed it a slow down zone and posted a 30 mph sign. That doesn’t deter the youngsters who seem to think that if they can get going fast enough, they can get airborne at the top. None of their vehicles have yet reached the 190 mph that it would take to leave the ground, but they keep trying.

            Watching them risk life and limb at the cost of a few mailboxes, harkens me back to when I was their age. There was a railroad crossing on Hartman Ln back home in Illinois that we all knew would send us into space orbit, if we could just get those old junkers going fast enough. The only thing we accomplished was to make our junkers even junkier.  

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High – Blue Norther

Coming soon…. Mid-August 2014 –  Cain

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

The Brits…Vol 4

            Our last stop before I turned in what was left of the rental car, was to run by Buckingham Palace and say “Howdy” to the Queen…. Just to let her know that we had no hard feelings about that colony business. We got over it.

            When we got there, I was amazed to see so many people lined up practically half way around the block. They were in the most outlandishly fancy clothes I’d ever seen. Each one was dressed like something I’d only seen in movies. The ladies had long dresses and large hats, and the men were rigged with tails and top hats. The colors would put your eyes out. I was sure the circus had come to town. There they were, standing two by two outside the gates.

            There was a fella who was also dressed like a million bob, carrying a clip board stopping at each couple, I think he was taking tickets. So I went up to him and asked which door I should go to so we could get in to see the queen. He said, the queen could not take visitors today because she was having High Tea. I told him that I liked iced tea and asked if it was sweet or unsweet?

            He told me, “Bugger off.” Well I was embarrassed, so I wiped my nose, and left. I told Avon that we weren’t going to get in, so we just took pictures. I would have liked to see that circus though.

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High…and now… Blue Norther

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

The Brits… Vol 3

            We were running amuck in the UK, trying to see all the things that we had heard about for so many years and see as much of the countryside as possible. When we got into Scotland, the people weren’t quite as open as they were in England, but my driving got worse. Glascow nearly did us in too many times to tell about here. The weather got colder… it was July and we had to buy wool sweaters to keep from freezing. Funny thing, they ran the British Open on the radio just like a ball game with play by play announcing.

            We wound up at Loch Ness looking for the monster, but couldn’t see it, so we got a hotel. I could find a Holiday Inn, so we stayed in a typical little inn, which had one TV, no dining room and all the keys fit every lock. The next morning , we were leaving to go back to London and then home, and we wanted to stop by to say howdy to the Queen. So we needed to leave early.

            When I went to check out that morning about 6 am, there was nobody about.  I waited and dinged the little bell, but no one came. So I calculated what they said the room would cost and I was a few pence short without leaving way too much. I left a note telling them that if that wasn’t correct they could send me a bill, or they could collect from that taxi driver in London because he had some extra….. I never heard from them.

  

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High…and now… Blue Norther

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts

The Brits…Vol 2:

            Continuing my invasion of the UK, we of course had to visit Shakespeare’s home at Strafford on Avon. Now when I travel, I almost always have my own Avon with me so I was pretty much used to that. I did, however, take a picture of the lovely Avon standing on a footbridge next to a sign that read “Avon River” I titled the photo “Avon on Avon”.

            The town itself was well worth seeing and a slice out of a long ago time that we Yanks can’t even imagine… I reeked of culture and a history that was old before our shores were ever seen by Europeans.

            With all that culture and history, we naturally had dinner that evening at the local Pizza Hut. Of course, by this time, we had gotten use to restaurants being filled with people from all over Europe and any number of languages being spoken. We were shown to a room and our order was taken. While we ate, it dawned on me that I heard all kinds of accents and languages being spoken as we came through, but in this particular room there were only Americans and Canadians, according to my linguistic talents, which are quite good. As we were paying the bill, I asked the cashier why there were only North Americans in our section. She stammered a bit and finally blurted out, “Because you eat Pizza with your hands.”

Books by Lou Bradshaw available on Amazon Kindle

 A Fine Kettle of Fish – Hickory Jack – Blue – Ace High…and now… Blue Norther

Visit me on Facebook Lou Bradshaw Artist – Author or www.facebook.com/loubradshawarts